F You Migraine

Migraines are the worst! For those of you who have never had one it feels like there is a part of your brain that is tied in a knot and rapidly swelling and there’s nothing you can do about it. For me its right on my forehead usually over one eye making me feel like I’m having a stroke. Add to the razor-sharp pain and pressure the fact that light makes you feel like you got punched the face by Mike Tyson and any sound feels like you got hit with a bat by Hunter Pence.

I started getting migraines when I was in 7th grade. First one started when I was in class and suddenly couldn’t everything. I’m close to blind anyway so this would normally not be a shock but it was different. if you look straight ahead it was like there was a quarter of the picture missing and when would look somewhere else a new section would disappear. Terrifying for a 7th grader. I asked to lay down. Then the sharp pressure pain started. I was taken to the emergency room and given a CT scan. After confirmation of a migraine I was given a shot.  I can’t remember anything after that!

So why wouldn’t you just go to the ER for a shot when you a get a migraine? Well for starters you can’t drive yourself. I always love it when people are out and about functioning in daylight and say “oh sorry I have a migraine”. No a-hole you don’t. Grocery shopping, socializing, driving, functioning in light of any kind, adulting is all out of the question when you are in the middle of a migraine. Night clubs…. puh-lease. It’s not a migraine its a headache. Shut up.

It could be the start of one… that I get. Sometimes you feel them coming on while you are out adulting and being a human. But you better take something asap and get the hell home!

Anyway I also don’t go to the ER for them because there’s medication you can take for them. One I was on started to lose its effectiveness. The only other one that’s ever worked for me also scares the crap out of me. I took it on our way home from a BBQ one summer when I started to get one. Drove home, woke up 8 hours later changed in bed with no memory of driving home. No thanks. What else ya got?

Excedrine migraine and really any over the counter migraine med does generally work…. IF you take it at the very first sign of even a headache. I can’t take excedrine anymore but Alive works fairly well for me if I take it early enough. Again I have to take basically predict the future and take it if I feel like I MIGHT be getting a headache.

Last night I didn’t take it early enough. I didn’t think we had any for starters so I waited it out and put Peppermint oil on my head and neck like your supposed to with essential oils. Which actually worked for the just headache. But an hour later when it turned into a full migraine the oil can suck it because it didn’t even touch it. I take that back… it distracted me from the migraine pain because it kind of burns like a mother!

At midnight I woke my sleeping husband, who has to wake up at 4 am for work. All I had to say was “babe, migraine” and he was out of bed going to his truck looking for medication. God love him! He gave me 2 Alieve (the recommended amount) and was scratching my back the way my mom used to when I was little and would get them. The only kind of touch I can stand when in that much pain. I’m sure it only took 30 min but it felt like 2 hours.

During the time it took the meds to kick in here’s what happened and when through my head, some of which I’m sure I asked Pat out loud. I wanted more meds, he said no. I prayed a lot. I considered taking knife to my forehead because I truly felt that it would relieve the pressure and feel better. I dry heaved because I felt like I was going to throw up. I was sweating hot. I was freezing. I wanted a cold wet towel on my back. I wanted the blankets on top of it. I considered trying to push my face in the pillow so hard I couldn’t breathe, but that felt like a lot of work. Normally I’m curled up around the toilet with no clothes cause its cold and feels good and I can throw up there. It’s too freaking hot for that. I thought about going outside naked but I wouldn’t last in jail.

They are truly the worst. I had flash backs of being in labor. Of course it’s not the same but I’ve done both and can fairly compare. At least when you are in labor it comes in waves. You get at least a minute recovery to breathe. Migraines are hours on end with no release. No mercy.

They the leave you feeling hung over the next day without the fun. Body feels like you ran a marathon only you didn’t get the medal or bragging rights.

At least 8 times last night the F You Thunder song from the movie Ted came in my head. only in my version it was F You Migraine. Couldn’t remember the whole song but the few parts I could brought me a little joy while in hell.

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