I Want It All

All through elementary school I played all the sports. I loved softball, volleyball was fun because I didn’t suck, basketball was total torture but I played because my friends did and parents wouldn’t let me quit.

On one hand, I get why you don’t quit. On the other hand I was so terrible and miniature that there were literally games when EVERY SINGLE PLAYER made a basket except me. It was fine. It clearly wasn’t my sport. Actually I’m not sure I ever made a basket in a game… probably because I would foul out so fast they had to bench me. Clever little 7th grader I was.

Anyway when we started high school it was time to make a choice on what you wanted to participate in. It was not longer everyone plays everything. I tried softball but as I got older I didn’t have the competitive edge required to do well. Or the vision… have I mentioned I’m close to blind? But I had it all when it came to cheerleading and dance!

Yup I was a cheerleader. I’ve gone through phases after high school where it wasn’t “cool” and I laughed along with people. “I know you wouldn’t expect it from me right?” But guess what? I was the type. I am the type. I’m proud I was a cheerleader and a dancer because I was an athlete. Don’t even try to argue you will lose.

That desire to participate and do things doesn’t go away when you are an adult. The sports just change and instead of everyone getting a trophy (please stop that by the way) loser gets to buy the next round of drinks and winners get bragging rights. See your “everyone wins” thing goes away as an adult anyway. Might as well get used to it.

Before having Rylan I enjoyed all kinds of weird things. I love to golf. Like truly enjoy it, not just because my husband plays. I actually started playing with my grandpa before I even started dating my husband.

I liked to crochet. Okay I know that is NOT a sport I’m just throwing hobbies out there. I’m an avid reader. No genre is off-limits. Well that’s not entirely true but I’ll give anything a chance.

I enjoyed hiking with my mom and going for runs. Taking work out classes and being active.

Before kids I had time for all of these things and got 8 hours of sleep. That was almost 3 years ago!

Since having Rylan I have golfed one season of women’s league, read only a handful of books, and have crocheted nothing. But I have started this blog and that’s something! I’ve also kept my kid alive and mostly healthy. Calling it a win.

The whole point of this is that I want to do things again. Rylan is almost 3 and I’m finding that with Pat putting her to sleep at least every other night I have time again. What?!?!?! No way!

At first I was panicking… what to do with an extra hour or two at night? Aside from dishes?

Once the dishes are done and things are cleaned up here’s what I’ve been doing…. Whatever the crap I feel like doing! Life changing. Every night is different. I can read for a little bit, I can do some abs, I can crochet like an 80-year-old woman if I want to. Heck I can even sit outside and listen to the world move and guess what? Its amazing.

I’m enjoying hobbies again and it feels great. Once again for those of you who still think I should have more than one kid. NO. I’m enjoying my daughter growing and loving every phase at every time and now I’m even enjoying myself.

The Hypnotist Love Story

3rd book club!!!!

Confession: I’m listening to this one on audio book.

I’ve been hard core into crocheting and haven’t had time to read. Plus the stack of books on my night stand is overwhelming at the moment. Not to mention serving as an excellent cell phone holder over night. Can’t mess with that flow!

So my friend Sam and I are listening to this audio book. I hope you’ll join us in reading/listening and then chatting after. I can listen and crochet so I feel like I’m nailing this productivity thing.

I’m about halfway through and totally intrigued. Also starting to get to the point where I’m making predictions! Love that point in any story where you think you know but really you probably don’t!

Middle of the Bed


I know Pat loves me. I also know he sleeps just fine when I’m gone. I know this because I’ve called him while I was gone and he’s answered the phone at 10pm asleep and annoyed that I woke him up. We don’t travel without each other all that much. But it happens because.  He was gone this week. Just one night but it was eye opening.

I didn’t realize it until he was gone this time that I have a hard time sleeping when he’s not here. Not because its “our” bed and I can’t sleep without him (I’m sweet and romantic but not that much. I like my sleep) but because everything is on high alert without him. All the sudden I have hawk eyes and dog ears and a schitzo reaction to the dog yawning.

There are million noises in our house when its quiet. We live in a super old tiny bird house so logically I know its going to make sounds but when Pats gone everything sounds like a threat. I put Rylan to bed and the dogs breathing scares me. I have to make them lay down using my mom voice so I can relax and get her to sleep.

Once she’s finally asleep I’m glued to the monitor the way high school girls are glued to their phone when they have a new boyfriend. I’m not normally like that but with Pat gone I get the completely psychotic feeling someone is going to steal her. Yup irrational I know. Thats literally what I’m thinking though. Because Pat is gone someone is going to steal her from her room and I won’t even know until its too late.

Never mind the fact that if anyone so much as slows down in front of our house our two black labs would go insane. Which leads me to my next point. Home alone with the dogs. Everyone says “at least you have the dogs to protect you”. Yes, protect me… or scare the crap out of me! Every time they hear something and perk up I freak. They look out the window and I’m slamming it shut, locking the doors and texting Pat asking where the guns are because theres a wild leaf outside that needs to be made an example of.

Also our younger lab is kind of a spaz. Its not bad in the summer but in the winter she stares into the fireplace like she sees the ghost of Lassie in there. I know she’s staring at her reflection but I’m always waiting for a spirit or demon to come out of the fireplace when she does it. Pat laughs when I jump up and slap her and make her knock it off.

So no the dogs aren’t helpful.

I think its the movie Somethings Gotta Give where Diane Keaton is talking about sleeping when you’re single and she says you have to sleep in the middle of the bed so you don’t feel lonely like someone should be on the other side. Something like that? Or maybe she was saying she has a side of the bed… I might be making this whole scene up. Anyway when Pats gone I do not have a side of the bed. I take up the whole center and sleep like a toddler. Arms stretched out and flailing all over.

I also leave all the lights on and stay up until I can’t keep my eyes open any more. This last trip I crocheted and listened to an audio book while the tv was going and all the lights were on. As I got more tired I turned off the kitchen lights, then the living room. Then left the tv on and turned of the light and flew into bed like the floor was lava.

I’m aware this sounds pathetic. Its not that I’m so attached to Pat that I can’t sleep. It’s that being the adult in the house is terrifying. I am solely responsible for anything that happens. I feel like I want to look around for a better adult. If there’s a spider we are shutting that door until dad gets home. Sorry sweetie good thing you’re still in pull ups!

This makes me happy that we live in the same town as my family. I can always call my dad or uncle. I actually have called my brother-in-law to come get the dying bird out of my front yard. I couldn’t leave the house with it flopping around out there.

I swear I’m smart. But home alone I turn into a total weirdo. I have no wise words to end this on only that next time I’ll make sure my DVR is properly stocked before Pat leaves again. Night time tv does not get my stamp of approval!

 

Potty problems

“Mama can we get Reba today?” She very sweetly asked me after she went pee pee on the potty.

“Not today love we talked about this. It’s going to be a little while before we can get a kitten. You have to go on the potty all the time no more diapers”. I try to remind her.

Reba is a kitten at the humane society that loves her! If we were ready to get a cat she would be it for sure.

Yes I bribed my kid with a kitten to help with potty training. Except here’s the thing… it didn’t work!  I started this bribe about 6 months ago when she randomly went pee on the potty.

We thought “oh wow this is going to be so easy! She’s just over two and doing it all by herself”.  Oh how young and stupid we were!

She didn’t go for at least 6 months after that! Refused. Wouldn’t even sit on the potty.

I’m aware of all different “techniques” to potty train and I’m sure they’ve all worked for some people.

The 3 day method. Locking myself at home with toddler for three days and focusing on nothing but potty training sound horrible! I can’t think of anything worse.

The naked method. Letting her run around outside naked and encouraging her to go wherever. That sounds better but eh who has the time. Plus it’s hotter than hades outside and one accident in my living room was enough.

“Mama I poo pooed” she said to me as she handed me an EMPTY diaper.

“Okay love bug that’s awesome but where did you poo poo” I ask her even though I really didn’t want to know.

She takes my hand and directs me to the living room with the toddler poop sitting right in the center of the floor. I can just picture it. While I’m brushing my teeth she’s squatting on the living room floor watching Dora so proud she’s not going in her diaper.

So that’s a no on the naked method for us.

People have told us not to force it. Even my sister-in-law Dr Jen told us it’s not worth it to push her. That she’ll start doing it one day without even having to be told.

This was a relief to me. To be honest I was getting sick of everyone constantly asking her to go pee pee on the potty. My husband would ask her every 15 minutes to the point where I would answer with a “she just told you no! Let it go!” I meant for that to stay in my head. Sorry honey. 

Sure enough a week ago she started going pee on the potty. Just like Dr Jen said she would. No warning, no pushing, no parents arguing, and 0 hours spent annoyed on the bathroom floor.

We have a long way ahead of us and are now in the midst of false alarms and accidents and the nightmare of public restrooms.

I respect her curious nature and while I laugh when it’s not my kid, it’s humiliating when you’re trying to pee and your toddler gets on the nasty floor to see “what that lady doing mama?” Ew child get off the floor and now we have to sit in here till she’s gone!

I don’t think there’s a support group for potty training mom’s like there is for breast feeding but feel free to message me. We can support each other. 

Also we still have not had to get a kitten. Silver lining. 

Book Club – The Other Einstein


I have written and rewritten this review at least 4 times. Why? Because no matter how much fluff and justification I try to come up with I keep circling back and deleting and trying to find nice politically correct ways to say Albert Einstein was a dick.

This was a great story of his first wife. She was a rock star to put up with his crap for that long. I had to continuously remind myself that it was a different time back then and with her not actually passing her exit exams it changed the course of her life. I also feel like she didn’t pass because of morning sickness and that it’s all Alberts fault. I’m kidding. Kind of.

The fact that she was one of the first women to be accepted to University makes her noteworthy in itself. But add to it the fact that she was majoring in physics and could have had an amazing career is just great.

I’m not sure if this was authors fiction or not but on a personal level I loved the way she was searching for God in physics. Even through the death of her daughter she searched to find God’s plan and purpose in physics. At least in the story causing her to come up with the theory of relativity. I’m not sure if that part is true but I like to have faith she was searching for God and found him.

After reading this book and the letters Albert that are published on Princeton University’s website I say there is no way that she didn’t at the very LEAST contribute to the theory of relativity. They were married and lived together and HE even stated in his letter that they worked together. This combined with the fact that once they split up she continued to get his prize money from the Nobel Prize from that theory just tells me she helped if not more.

In the book I found it maddening that time after time Albert would do some A hole move and she would struggle internally before forgiving him. This was probably the authors design but holy moly it was infuriating. It also makes sense during that time period that with two sons to think about she would feel trapped like their future relied on Albert and didn’t want stain their reputation with a divorce.

I want to understand that but being a mother in 2017 I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

So lets say for a second you take out the “fiction” in this historical fiction. Albert was still an ass! He still left her name off any published work, had an affair with his cousin, and sent his wife a ridiculous list of demands forcing her to leave him or live as a slave for the rest of her life. In the book at least she left him and I cling to that ending in hopes that that’s what actually happened.

No matter how much of this historical fiction is actually fiction, I believe it. I’ve read the articles I’ve looked at dates and came to the same conclusion that the author did. Obviously I didn’t research as much as her but was fascinated from the start.

I never even knew Albert had a wife! Possibly because I have seen pictures of him and thought it was a stretch to think that hair would be considered “charming”. But mostly because NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT HER!!!! I’m 32 and this is the first I’ve heard of it.

I’m extremely grateful for this book and hope that others read it and it sheds some light on the “great” Albert Einstein.

I also encourage people to look further into the amazing life accomplishments of this woman.

Here are a few links I found

Jame McNab shares an excellent point of view and says it better than I ever could. Click here to read  He’s also responsible for the cover picture. High five James.

Here’s an article from Scientific American that offers more facts as well.

Here is the most fascinating link Princeton University Letters to Mileva

 

 

 

 

Cold Showers

I don’t have much social media. I don’t do Facebook, I don’t have Snapchat, I don’t tweet. I have Instagram and that’s it. I like pictures.

I used to have Snapchat and I think that’s where I read an article about a 30 day cold shower challenge. My first thought was “what an idiot” which is exactly why I had to read the whole article. She mentioned that at first it was death then she would get used to it and her body would adjust. My second thought was “liar”. but none the less I kept reading and it kept my interest.

I have always taken offensively hot showers. Like I want my bum to be bright red when I get out of the shower. So the thought of taking a cold shower made me shudder.

Then I read that it would clear up body acne, make my hair shiny, and help speed up my metabolism. Okay.. Keep talking…I’m considering it now.

I came to work super excited about this new information and a coworker said she’d be interested in trying it out as well. Okay now I have a buddy to try this with. Moral support not actually taking cold showers together. Just to be clear.

So we started the 30 days of cold showers! Thank goodness it was the start of June and already warm out.

I started with just cooler water than I was used too. I tried going straight cold and was instantly mad at the world. I decided to ease into it. I don’t wash my hair every day because I don’t have to (thank you Jesus!) so when I wouldn’t wash my hair I would go as cold as I could.

It took a while but after about a week or two I started to really enjoy the coolness of the shower and was slowing inching the water colder and colder. Finally I didn’t

No joke I really did notice a difference. My skin was clearing up and my hair did look super shiny. Probably because the bathroom wasn’t so steamy and when I would blow dry it wasn’t creepy muggy in my bathroom. I didn’t notice a difference in my metabolism but that’s a whole other issue I don’t expect cold water to fix.

The biggest surprise to me is how crazy clean I felt afterward. Seriously deep clean. Probably has something to do with the fact that the bathroom isn’t steamy and humid once you get out. Either way its amazing to be clean and feel super clean.

BONUS of the cold shower? I got ready super fast! No steamed up mirror to work around. It was like a nice pleasant surprise every time I got out and could start getting ready right away.

I continue to take cold showers now and its super refreshing every time I hop in and I find that my body has started to warm up and it doesn’t feel that cold anymore. I really don’t think this is all in my head either because my coworker has also fallen in love with and has continued with it for the last 2 months.

So while its shocking and sounds ridiculous give it 30 days. I take it back… give it 2 weeks. Usually by then you’ll know if its something you could handle or not.

I’m not sure how I’ll do when winter hits but I’m excited to have one more thing that makes summer less like a few months in Hades.

 

Flying Apples

 

I get these ideas in my head and once they are there it has to happen. My latest thing was going to up to the lake in the evening and staying for the movie under the stars at Pinecrest Lake. If you haven’t ever done it you should, its amazing.

My husband rocks and I know if I pushed hard enough he would go and make the best of it but he doesn’t love crowds. So when I found out he was going to be gone for the weekend I figured it was the perfect chance to do something I wanted to do that he wouldn’t have enjoyed anyway.

Friday’s my dad watches Rylan and I had the day off so the stars aligned and it was the perfect plan. During her nap I’d get blankets and towels and snacks all packed up and ready so when she woke up we could head to the lake an relax before the movie. Also to save seats because normally its packed.

She woke up, we picked up my parents and headed up the hill. As we were driving, a junky car full of teenage boys was coming towards us and arm stuck out of the back seat window. I don’t know if it was an apple or what but a red ball looking thing came flying at our car and hit my headlight.

I didn’t know it was my headlight at first only that it sounded like we hit a freaking deer and it scared the bejeezus out of all of us. My mom said it was an orange but really her vision isn’t great so her testimony wouldn’t hold up in court. But she was right it was about that size so we assumed apple. Mainly because a tomato would not have made the explosion sound that whatever it was did.

I was fuming! Honestly who throws things at cars like that. I was deliberate too so save the soft voice “oh it was an accident”. No it wasn’t. If it was your kid who did it, your kid is a dick.

It could have hit my windshield. It could have made me crash. It could have hurt my child by crashing our came through the window itself.

I have no control over other peoples kids and I know that “boys will be boys”. But can we try to raise our boys not be little assholes.

I can do nothing except try to raise my daughter to be respectful of other people. I am going to try my hardest to teach her that we do not intentionally cause harm to other people. It’s not okay to deliberately cause damage to other people’s property.

I hope that I raise her to be compassionate and kind and to make good choices. I pray about it every night. Literally in those words! “Dear Lord Jesus, I pray that you give me the tools and patience to raise my daughter to be compassionate, kinda, and to make good life choices.”

This had created a new prayer for me. I pray that Rylan grows up resilient to the cruelty in the world. That when things like this (or much worse because that’s inevitable) happen that she doesn’t let it get her down. That she doesn’t become jaded. I pray that she finds the lesson in all the crap. The silver lining is always there.

For instance this apple throwing dickhead reminded me of the lessons I need to be teaching my daughter. Silver lining.

Luckily I have good insurance and drive a sturdy Yukon that could take a punch. But what if I didn’t? What if I was a single mom who could barely afford liability and just wanted to take my kid to the lake for the evening. That could have ruined the trip!

It didn’t ruin the trip. We had a magical time and it was everything I had pictured in my head. We relaxed, we had snacks, the water was amazing, the movie was cute, and Rylan lasted the whole movie against all odds.

I don’t know who the kid was who shattered my headlight but I know that Karma is a bigger bitch than I am. Not to mention its her only job. I’m pretty exhausted being a mom. Who works. With dogs…. yeah she’s got this.