Fear of Sutures

“How is your incision site?” My husband asks about 2 weeks after I had a C-section with our only daughter.

“Not sure, I haven’t looked at it”. I was 100% honest because I was too tired to lie. Also too tired to lie about having put on the ointment he gave me. I hadn’t been doing anything he recommended. I didn’t check it and it was my own body.

Rylan is 3 years old now. Her cat (Reba) is now 12 weeks roughly. I thought we’d celebrate her 12 weeks of life by taking her to the vet and getting her fixed. Happy Valentines Day!

My mom is amazing and kept Rylan over night on Valentines Day for us. We appreciated that mostly because I had to get the cat from the vet and wasn’t sure how Rylan would react to her being all drugged up and having her stomach cut open.

Through this I have realized something about myself. I am freaked out by stitches and open wounds and surgery.

It’s not going under that scares me. Its not that the blood although that could be part of it.

While driving home with the drugged up kitty I realized that I was scared her insides were going to fall out. I’m aware this is extremely irrational. But that was my fear driving home. We were going to hit a huge pot hole or I’d turn too sharp (I’m not a very good driver) and she would go flying, hit her cage and the whole wound would open up and she would die.

Same thing when the dog got spayed and even when I had my C-section. The thought that this cut was recently opened so a doctor could play with my organs is just too much for me. I don’t want to touch it. I’m scared of infection, I’m scared it will hurt to touch it, I’m scared that if I touch it its going to pop open and start some sort of zombie take over.

So facing my fears today I went to check on the cat. By myself. Sober. She was asleep comfortably on her little bed that she normally attacks and purred when I pet her. I tried to gently roll her over and when she resisted I thought “well I tried”. Gave her a kiss and went back to work.

Thanks to Reba I’ve realized a new fear I wasn’t fully aware that I had. Awesome.

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