Pluviophile Mama

a lover of rain;someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

Time Heals? — August 31, 2021

Time Heals?

“It has been said that time heals all wounds. But I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissues and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” – Rose Kennedy

I first heard that a few years ago on an episode of Criminal Minds. Side note: I hate that show but Pat always watches it and I can’t look away no matter how hard I try. But the statement stuck with me and really hit home in the last few months since Nana Passed.

Its been 8 months since my world was torn apart. It has been kept together with a mixture of the best husband in the world, an amazing mob like family, a strong friend circle (small but strong), and books. I can feel my mind creating the scar tissue to protect my sanity and while I keep it together for the most part (my husband will read that and strongly disagree) there’s still the very real void.

I’ve compared the grief to having the wind knocked out of me and 8 months later that’s still true. I tried counseling which was helpful, but virtual, which means it was too easy for me to ignore her and not want to deal with things. I read somewhere that women like texting because its easier to hide our emotions. Its significantly easier to lie to your friends with a text saying your fine and a funny gif than it is to speak to them on the phone or in person. Its harder to hide the pause while you regroup, the crack of your voice leaking out real emotion, or the welling up of your eyes at someone who cares for you asking how you are.

This scar tissue is helpful but just like a real scar it changes you. The tragedy itself changed me for sure in gigantic ways I was not prepared for. Friendships shifted and perspective radically changed. Priorities were scattered and only things that were absolutely essential became doable. But as life goes on (which it does despite the desperate urge to make it pause so I can get my bearings) I’m realizing this scar and my life are never going to stop changing.

That’s part of this “healing” process isn’t it? Realizing that things will always change and its up to me how to make that work for me instead of against me. It would be entirely too easy to curl up and not face our problems. Its tempting. But the stories that I love to read are never the ones that just end with giving up. That’s a short boring book. Its the stories about the girl who fought, who overcame, who persevered. Those are the stories that keep me up at night with the book light until the early hours of the morning. Those are the stories that light a fire inside me and keep me pushing through.

There’s a quote or a story (sorry for not remembering it clearly) that says when tragedy strikes look for the healers. Look for the good. Look for the people who encourage you to keep going, to keep fighting. You can see the same scars on other people but for me I didn’t see that until I had those scars myself. I didn’t know what to look for until I had them and suddenly I could see it on people I’ve known forever and I felt so bad that I hadn’t known before what this felt like.

It wasn’t my fault and I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t know. I’m thankful that they haven’t felt this pain before. But there will come a time when we all have similar scars. No one makes it out of this world unscathed and all we can do is be there for each other. Encourage one another to get up and keeping fighting. Even if those scars aren’t fully healed yet.

Sorry I kinda bounced around it’s been a while since I’ve posted and just had these things on my mind.

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