As a human there is always a million things to worry about. That is just part of life. But when you are responsible for the life of another living creature its a whole new ball game. I experienced it first when getting a puppy. As a child you think it’s all fun and games,throwing balls, and cuddles. But that first time it sprints away from you towards traffic and you suddenly can’t remember how to breathe, it hits you. You are responsible.
Take that feeling and multiply it by about a trillion when you have a baby. I remember after my very unplanned c-section being exhausted and having a baby that wouldn’t stop crying, and wondering what the heck we had gotten ourselves into! We were terrified and that was in the hospital with a whole team of nurses and doctors available at the push of a button.
Then it got so much worse! No complications, the baby was healthy but the doctor and nurse came and said we’d be able to leave that afternoon. Umm.. leave? No. It can’t be that easy. I don’t know what I’m doing yet. You people are just going to let me take home this extremely fragile human life and trust that I’m competent to take care of it?! All that flashes through my head is Robin on How I Met Your Mother freaking out over the easily accessible “self destruct button” on the top of their heads!
Of course everything was fine. We really are responsible parents and people for the most part. But thank goodness we had her in the winter! I mean there’s cold and flu season to worry about but that was the most of my concerns as you usually stay home a lot with a new born. It’s also manageable if you keep everyone far away and a bottle of Purell by the door. And in the bathroom. And the living room coffee table. We were one step away from spraying people with Lysol as they walked through the door.
I didn’t realize how scared of summer months I was until today. Having a toddler makes most things terrifying. However, its been 112 degrees outside and this morning it was only high 90’s so it felt good to be in the shaded back yard. We have a plastic play ground that was gifted to us with two slides and some tunnels to climb through that’s been neglected over the entire winter and covered in leaves, dirt, and spider webs. Before use it would need a pressure washer and to be honest at trip to the dump is in its future. So naturally my 2 1/2 year old wants to play with it. Only it.
Literally 3 minutes and here’s where my head went. Spiders, other bugs that bite, leaf pile and snakes, heat stroke, sun burn, other animals that could be hiding (unlikely since I can see all of it), any spray the pest guy has used, and fumes from the cars driving by our busy road. Super dramatic I’m aware but still that’s how my mind work. In general summer scares me and I also worry about pools, lakes, rivers, and any real body of water where there could be a life changing accident. Things I don’t worry about at much in my beloved winter.
I don’t think my fears will ever go away. But with the help of my tribe all around me I’m learning to relax. I have no secret formula for this (if you do PLEASE message me! Reward offered!) other than having faith. Faith that everything will be okay and that God is watching out for us. Faith that insect repellent and sunscreen are made well and will do their job. Faith that my husband and I are doing a good job and will keep an eye out and protect her the best we can. Enjoying the activities that summer bring is helpful and thinking of all the amazing memories she’ll have when she’s older helps. Also not wanting to project my hatred of summer on to her is important. Although I can’t help smile when we are driving and she says “go away sun!” when its on her face. I laugh out loud when we go outside and she says “I don’t yike this heat go away sun”. The pluviophile mama is proud!
Accidents will happen no matter what time of year all I can do is try to control the anxiety that gets so much worse in the summer.