Fear of Failing 

Do you believe in signs? Like from the universe? Signs from God? Something pushing you to something you didn’t think was in your plan?

That might be a little dramatic interpretation of what was happening for me but I like to think if you listen to the universe it will guide you the right way.

I LOVE podcasts! I want to start my own. I’m just working up to it and in the process. In the mean time I love listening to other ones. I have an extremely wide range of ones I listen to from mom podcasts to finance to self encouragement and happiness motivators. I even have some kid ones and story telling ones.

Yesterday I did a lot of driving so I was able to listen to Lori Harder interview Dave Asprey and it was amazing. He discussed his coffee and books and motivated me to want to try it all! He’s truly amazing and I can’t wait to get it all ordered. As soon as I budget for it. So probably next month!

My first sign of the day came from Dave saying that we have to give up our fear of failing. It’s okay to fail it doesn’t make us bad people it. I’ve heard  it before that failing is not the end. That it’s a learning experience and a stepping stone but something about the way he put it was super motivating.

It was freeing to think that people will support you no matter what. Most of them anyway. Like for me with this blog. I have no idea how it will come along or if I’ll eventually get my podcast. I know that I will work hard for it and keep pushing along. Even if no one reads this I’ll still write because its fun for me. So failing isn’t a fear because I’ll be okay either way. Success is preferred but I will enjoy the ride either way.  So thank you Dave Asprey!

The second sign pushing me towards letting go of fear was from one of my favorite authors and podcast Melanie Dale . In that link she interviews Kari Sowers who also comes up with the same advise. Get rid of that fear of failure.

TWICE in one day that was preached to me and I’m extremely grateful. That’s the purpose of these podcast and the message was received loud and clear!

It was exactly what I needed and what I hope to pass on to anyone who reads this!

I’m going full force with my budget planning and continuing hard-core on the debt snowball. For some reason that was a fear in my head. That we would put in all this hard work on becoming debt free only for something to happen. But losing the fear of failing is freeing in that sense too. Who cares if we have a set back! So what if it takes longer to pay everything off! As long as I don’t stop and don’t let fear hold me back I can see the future of financial freedom!

On my minimalism quest, one day at a time and I can’t fail. Yes my minimalism has gone from a journey to a quest! But no fear in this quest! Cleaning things out and getting rid of things on purpose! Not being scared of failure. If I fail and I’m not a true minimalist by a certain date that I haven’t even set yet… its okay. I’ll survive with plenty of time to keep getting rid of things.

All of this isn’t to say that we should just be lazy and cavalier about pursuing our dreams and goals. But more that we should do it with even more enthusiasm and excitement because if we fail, guess what? It wont kill us!  Strangely enough that’s also become my parenting style of an almost 3-year-old… but did you die? Another post in itself.

Another thing Kari Sowers said that hit hard was about making sure you are paying attention to the things that are priorities to YOU. Not to someone else, or what you think should be a priority to you, but what really matters to you. If having a clean house is important make it a priority. If spending time with your family is more important than do that.

I don’t have Facebook. It’s not a priority to me. I find ways to talk to the people I care about. Whether that’s instagram or Voxer or leaving my sister-in-law super annoying voice memos over text messaging. Her voicemail is always full so I force my voice on her anyway I can. (Just wait till I have my own podcast *evil laugh*)

Also losing that fear of failing means losing the fear of what other people think. In a big way! Because true friends and good people will not look at you different if you fail. They will help you get back up. They will encourage you to keep going and often times its them who wont let you fail in the first place.

Anyone who would judge your or think differently of you for failing doesn’t belong with you anyway and is probably holding you back. In which case failing and getting rid of them is actually winning and growing! So high-five, head up, moving on!

Leaving you today with my favorite quote from Jennifer Lawrence “Not everyone likes me… but not everyone matters”. Well said celebrity spirit friend. Well said.

 

 

 

 

 

Resistance to Mom Friends

I love my friends. I’ve talked before about my friendship landscape and how it’s ever changing with the peaks and seasons of life but one thing that stays consistent is my love for my friends. That being said it’s a hard transition when you start growing up and changing and people start popping out babies. I’ll be honest my friend and I were concerned when the responsible one got pregnant. Who was going to take care of us? Make sure we got home okay? Didn’t go home with strangers? Yes sometimes we needed to be reminded of that! Who was going to be our voice of reason and slap us when we were being ridiculous? Who was going to drive us to get new clothes? Who was going to drive us everywhere? We needed some serious taking care of and she was the best at it. We were incredibly happy for her but selfishly concerned.

She’s super-mom/wife/friend so of course she managed all of her capes just fine. WAY better than I did when I had Rylan.

I was worried when I got pregnant about my changing friendships. I had friends like Super mom who made it look so easy so I knew it was possible but then you have other people (mostly strangers or distant acquaintances) who would make comments like “oh yay join the mom club”, “How great you get to be in the mom groups”, “get as much time with your friends cause then you have to make new mom friends”.  It’s not that I’m antisocial but I’ll be honest I dislike anything that makes me feel limited to one group. I instantly get and attitude of “nope I’m not going”. It’s the same attitude that keeps me away from any of the multilevel marketing groups. I don’t like feeling associated to only one thing. I feel claustrophobic. I feel tied down. I feel like I’m a cow being herded into a trap.

All my friends were super supportive when I got pregnant. It was a shock to everyone because I had always said I didn’t want kids. Sorry Rylan mommy loves you! When she actually came into the world I started to get a sense of the mom group thing. It’s not like the cow herd feeling, its more like a support system of people who have been there. I call super mom all the freaking time. I also had a few other mom friends I’d call, my sister-in-law included. We call her Dr. Jen because that’s how we treated her. Like our own personal on call doctor.

Our other friend is a doctor and I swear the only conversations Pat has with her is when Rylan’s sick. Even now at almost 3. We should really take her out to dinner to say thank you!

Rylan was about 6 months old and I took her to the pool with a group of friends who had kids too. Some around the same age but most were older. We sat them up to take a picture and I was way more confident in Rylans ability to sit up than I should have been because right before we took the picture she tipped over. Smacked her head right on the concrete.

Panic is an understatement. She cried, I cried harder. She was fine after a few minutes and it was the mom friends more than the doctor who made me feel safe that day. I wanted to rush to the emergency room. These girls did the best job of making me feel justified if I took her in but also reassured me that I didn’t have to and she would be fine. They also all shared similar stories to make me feel like I wasn’t alone.

Funny how much it makes you feel better to hear that your friends screwed up too. I know its cause we feel like we aren’t alone but still makes me laugh.

Friend: My kid fell off the couch at that age.

Me: Oh thank goodness.

Not an easy thing to do… making a new panicked mom feel like whatever decision she makes is the right one.  But they did. That’s the power of mom friends.

We didn’t go to the ER. But I did pull over about 12 times on the way home to make sure she was awake and alive. Then woke her up a million times throughout the night. Yes she slept with me that night. Judge away I don’t even care!

Mom friends are there to share stories with. and make you feel better about parenting.  It’s helpful to hear that your fear is also something other people worry about. It feels good to be validated that a mom friend would do the same thing.

Sometimes you just need someone to say its okay to hate your dogs while you kids are young. You need that one friend who can high five you when you call your kid an ass under your breath. The friend who calls from the closet because they are hiding from their kids and its perfect timing because you are head to the grocery store just for some quiet time. Those are the mom friends that count.

I read the book  Women Are Scary  It’s about making new mom friends and its hilarious. I recommend it to all new moms for sure. Sometimes you need something like that because lets face it, women are scary!

So while I was hesitant and leery of it, I’m happy that I have my mom friends. I’m also happy that I haven’t lost my other friends. It’s the beauty of the friendship landscape and its ever-changing ways. I’m also happy and grateful for all my mom friends and their many different parenting ways. One of my favorite things about the mom friends is the lack of judgment. Everyone is all just supporting each other and its fun to watch the different ways people do things. It makes us all better parents and better people

 

 

Friendship Landscapes

Mom: “who’s your best friend?”

12 yr old me: “I have a few but I don’t think I have a best friend”

At 31…32..no I was right 31 years old I look back at my pre-teen self and am proud. At such a young age I already knew the value of having many friends and the different strengths that came from all the different types of friendships you can benefit from. I thank my mom for that. She always had such a great group of friends around her and really was a great friend herself. She would do anything for anyone and always felt everyone should be included.

I didn’t learn that part until I was at least in high school. We had a close group of friends in elementary school but there was always that one girl who you thought was your friend but didn’t realize until later she was just a mega mean girl. I could do a whole post on that but don’t worry won’t. I recently listened to a podcast I think it was Coffee and Crumbs… I’ll post the link if I can find it, where they talk about friendship landscapes and how certain times in your life that landscape looks different and it’s always changing.

There will be times when you are closer with certain friends more than others or just because life happens you may not talk all the time. Sometimes you are both going through the same thing in life and its easy. Or sometimes one of you is having a baby throwing up with morning sickness while the other is throwing up hung over from an awesome party the night before. Probably not at the peak of the friendship landscape. Doesn’t mean it won’t come back around to being besties taking selfies and crying over a good cup of coffee in the future.

But it doesn’t always work like that. Sometimes friendships really do break apart at the seams. It could be fast like when my dog gets a new stuffed animal and goes savage trying to get to the squeaker, flinging stuffing around and leaving my living room looking like a stuffed animal crimes scene. Those seams my be harder to repair but I will never say anything is impossible.

I could happen incredibly slow to the point where you don’t even really notice until one day you go to call or text but can’t quite figure out why there’s pit in your stomach and a burning behind your eyes. Those are the worst. Because there’s no falling out and nothing to be angry about it’s just… weird. Uncomfortable. It would be better if she did something to cause this feeling. Stole from you, slept with your boyfriend (personal preference but husband is unforgivable to me), or betrayed your trust. That way at least there’s an incident to fall back on  when you start missing them. “that’s right she was such a bitch” could be super helpful in moving on.

But the slow pull apart is painful. It could be for a million different reasons and I don’t have that kind of time or creativity to think of them all but no matter what happens it’s always hard.

Here is a passage that may be something to think about courtesy of JoLynne Whitaker:

“As you grow, your circle will change. This too is part of growth,. Not everyone can go with you. Not everyone should….

Elevation requires separation. Awaiting you at the next level will be new allies, new connects, new friendships, new opportunities to be apart and connect with. Yet, I exhort you to embrace the peace, benefit  and power of a season alone with your Savior.

But one must detach from the ones who cannot see, respect or accept your vision. One must detach from the ones who choose not to grow. This is part and parcel of your walk with Christ; this too is development. Elevation requires separation. Selah 2 Corinthians 6:17”

Yes I got a little Gody. Take what you will from it leave what you don’t. whether you believe or not you can take something about friendship and growing from that passage and I encourage you too.

Yes I’ve personally lost friendships. Not a lot because once I love you I always love you and will always be friendly and nice when I see your hear about you. But I also appreciate the feeling of freedom and growth that comes with letting go. Yes its hard. If it didn’t hurt there’s a lack of caring there for that person, in which case it’s probably a good thing the friendship isn’t on the landscape. But if you cared of course its going to hurt. and that’s okay. That’s good.

Yup leaving you with a super grown up mature quote from….. Whinny The Pooh!

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”. well said Pooh.