It Feels Like Goodbye

I deleted my Instagram. Well lets not get carried away. I deleted my Instagram App on my phone.

Have you ever seen a post and had strong feelings about it? Then continued to read other peoples comments on it and get even more heated? I’ve read both posts and responses and felt myself getting angry and wanting to reply with my own thoughts and opinions. Then before I hit send I got slapped with a reality check. These people are nobody’s.

I’m sure they are someone special to the people in their lives but they have no significance in my life what so ever. Want proof? I deleted the app and now they no longer exist to me at all. In a few selections on my phone I made them vanish from my life and you know what? It felt good.

There was a post the other day on Instagram from the Food Network where a mom made homemade pasta with her kids. It was adorable. I read the comments and people were BASHING her for the way she did it. Using a certain kind of flour and that she used eggs when she shouldn’t. Are you kidding me people? What is wrong with us that we feel we need to leave mean comments everywhere? You don’t like the way she did it? DON’T DO IT THAT WAY. But guess what? No one else cares!

I understand commenting on some stuff but can’t we just keep it positive? so you don’t like the way a mom does something, it is possible to think your thought and move on with your day. You don’t have to post it. Shocking I know.

Why are we so worried about what every one else is doing? Isn’t it exhausting? Isn’t being a woman, mom, friend, wife, even just being a human enough? Why are we making it more difficult?

Why are we trying to one up each other? Why are we trying to prove we are the best mom? Or cook? Or athlete?

We should be trying to prove that we are kind. That we care about people as humans. I want to raise Rylan to love everyone. I want her to be kind to everyone. Even those that aren’t kind to her. Chances are those are the ones who need a hug the most. She doesn’t have to hug everyone because lets be real… day care germs. But I’d like the sentiment to be there.

So yes I deleted Instagram. I want to live this summer like a kid from the 80’s. I want to spend my time at the lake and the pool and hiking around the most beautiful places in California (I say California cause I live there and while I want to travel, I’m realistic about hiking and traveling with at 4 year old. I’m not crazy). We live an hour from Yosemite. I should be there every day off. I want to do all these things with out worrying about an Instagram photo or stopping to see who liked it.

Rylan and I are doing things this summer that we want to do.  Things that make us happy not add more stress to our lives. I’m not going to put us in situations that cause us stress anymore.

This also means I’m deleting this website. Its a great outlet for me and I’ve enjoyed putting my thoughts online but I have a journal at home that basically gets the same number of views. *laughing out loud!* not a pity party at all! I have not invested a ton of time or energy into this so I haven’t expected to be making money from it. It started out as fun and its ending on a good note.

Best wishes to everyone! I hope you enjoy your summer as much as we plan to!

Oh and remember if you can’t say anything nice, take a look in the mirror and figure out why you’re being negative. The only thing you can change is your attitude not someone else’s opinion.

 

 

Good Golly Miss Molly!

I like to joke that I chased my husband for 15 years before I caught him. That’s not 100% accurate but it’s not totally wrong either!

We met freshmen year and I was fascinated by him. He was a basketball and football player and he hung out with the cool kids. He was also painfully shy (he would argue now but it was true then). But that’s shyness made him mysterious and sexy. I hope he doesn’t read this cause it will go straight to his head.

Anyway we dated off and on, and while I always wanted him I’m glad he was a pain in my butt for a while. He says he broke up with me because he knew I was the one and if we stayed together in high school we wouldn’t have ended up together. Ummm nice try. Wasn’t born yesterday.

However he’s right. Please don’t tell him!!! Not only is he right I’m thankful he “choose” to wait until later for us to make it work. It gave me a chance to live my life and be wild and fun before we got married.

During my wild fun days my friend Jeanette and I would go up to the casino and play in poker games. We were two young girls who where seriously underestimated and often would win tournaments. We had a blast. We won money.

On top of being poker players we are both pretty avid readers (yes our husbands scored big time! Did I mean ruin we are also fantasy football enthusiasts?). She gave me the book Molly’s Game to read. True story about the 26 year old poker princess who was busted running high stakes poker games.

Great book! I loved her point of view and that it read like a novel so it kept me wondering what was going to happen. Overall the story shows that money doesn’t buy happiness and you develop a soft spot for the poker princess.

It also made me wanna play again. Yes I know the moral of the story was gambling is bad and doesn’t lead to good things and it can take you into super dark places. I get it. I also am trying to put together a group of girls to play!

For the record I’m talking $50-$100 buy in. Not $500,000 like she was dealing with. So no one here is going broke or ruining our lives.

Really I’m just excited to have another reason to get the girls together.

Wish me luck!

Happiness Is Relative

I read a post on Instagram a day or two ago and its stayed with me. Have you ever had that happen? Where you read something and like two or three days later you’re still annoyed by it?

I’m not the kind of person to comment on it and leave my opinion. Mostly because I don’t know this person so I’m sure they don’t care what I have to say, but also because I don’t want to be “troll”. Is that even the right word? I didn’t want to start a stupid argument over something that’s really just a difference of opinion.

Anyway back to the point. I follow the hash tag debtfreecommunity. I’m working on becoming debt free and want a better financial future that want is considered normal these days. This post said that they paid off all their debt and they weren’t happy. It was encouraging people to continue to live their lives and not to worry about paying off debt because it wont make you happy to be debt free.

Well no shit Sherlock!

Reason #3 I didn’t comment on the page…I have a lot to say about this!

Of course if you are a super unhappy person and depend on ANYTHING to make you happy, you wont be. Happiness is about perspective and gratitude and is something that you have to work at everyday. To expect that once you get all your debt paid off that angels are going to come sing for you and lift you up on a happiness cloud is ridiculous. YOU have to make yourself happy.

We are working our bums off to get out of debt and we really aren’t even in that bad! I can tell you when my car is paid off I will be the one singing and dancing and celebrating because I really will be so happy! Am I relying on it for my total happiness? Absolutely not! But its going to be a major bonus!

I’m also pretty dang happy with where we are now. We both make decent money and I was fortunate enough to have a job that let me come back an extra day occasionally. I am blessed to be able to teach Les Mills classes and get paid to work out. I’m happy that I get to spend time with my family and have great friends who understand when I say “No I can’t come out tonight I didn’t budget for it”.

That’s the magic word and I think that’s what this Instagram user had a problem with. If I had to guess anyway. I don’t know this person.

Getting out of debt is hard. You have to say no to things you want to do and things you really could afford. Depending on how you look at being able to afford things.

If you are using a credit card in the process we are in now you can’t afford it. For some people that doesn’t matter and good for you. I don’t have a problem with that cause its not my business. People use them then pay off the balance each month. I’d want to be able to pay cash for everything.

I can tell you that as of now I’m enjoying budgeting every paycheck down to the dollar and knowing what we can and can’t do. I get super excited when I budget and put money in savings or get to throw an extra $100 at the credit card or soon to be just my car payment. I love watching those balances drop!

Everyone is different just like every budget and financial goal is different. I just didn’t appreciate this person posting and discouraging people to become debt free. Its hard enough when we are all trying to stay positive and encourage each other. I don’t need the negative Nancy out there making things harder.

So to everyone on a budget with a goal just know you can do this! It will be worth it because you are worth it. You deserve the money you work for and shouldn’t have to give it away!

Sick Parenting

If you haven’t given your sick toddler fruit snacks for breakfast when their sick just so they’ll eat something, are you even a parent of a toddler?

That happened this morning. We spent Saturday in Urgent care and yesterday in the doctors office followed by the Emergency Room. Diagnosis: Pneumonia.

I learned a lot about our family in this Emergency process. I learned  my 3 year old can play opossum with the best of them. That’s right faking lethargy. I mean she was sick and tired and just wanted to cuddle but she wouldn’t even react when the doctor is listening to her lungs or to the pulse ox on her finger. Didn’t lift her head from my chest when a doctor or nurse was in the room.

When we leave the office she’s instantly Chatty Kathy asking pat where he was, and what took him so long to get there, and if we are going home, is he coming, why is he riding with us, and the best…telling us she’s fine and just wants to go watch Goldie and Bear. Opossum.

What I didn’t learn and am still trying to figure out is how do you parent a sick child? Where is the line between giving the fruit snacks for breakfast and totally losing control of your French parenting lifestyle goals? We try to be French and have a frame work of rules. I know we fail a lot but we have to have goals right?

For the most part we do okay. She listens pretty well and knows when we are serious about things. She gets time outs and yes I’ve patted her on the but before. But do you spank a sick kid? Do I put her in time out because she’s crying over the wrong color gummy vitamin? That seems a bit harsh since she clearly doesn’t feel good. On the other hand eat the damn gummy or cry in your room mommy is also tired now too.

Still this is a struggle for us. When you do stick to the rules and when do you let things slide because quite frankly when I’m sick the rules and expectations of me can suck it.

Its been a few days since I started writing this and I’m no closer to figuring it out. The only thing I can say is that she is a champ at taking medication! Even yucky antibiotics. She takes it herself and I feel like she’s in training for tequila shots. She takes the meds, has a juice chaser, and gets a gummy vitamin treat right after. Lick the salt, take the shot, suck the lime? I swear I’m a good mom! We can get concerned when she starts asking for chasers.

I think our saving grace was that I can use “doctors orders” for a lot of things! Threatening with having to go back to the hospital has also worked really well in my favor when trying to get her to do things. So bribes and blackmail is what it sounds like. Basically no different from my normal parenting style. Awesome.

To be clear there was a ton of cuddle time in my house. It was the silver lining that when she’s sick she just wants me by her side snuggled if the couch. Can’t complain about that one bit her snuggles are the very best. My hair can wait a few days to be washed anyway.

I found this podcast and am obsessed. Sounds like a tangent but its relevent I swear. It’s a parenting podcast and seriously the best one I’ve found yet! Here are  two links that literally had me laughing out loud while I was doing dishes and driving to and from work.

This is on sick day hacks   the other is on Whats up with toddlers

Seriously I feel like these girls are my spirit parents. One is great with research and both are just hysterical and so real. Refreshing and great with advice. Better advice than bribes and blackmail!

FOOD!!!!!

9:30am *bing* a text from Pat: What do you want for dinner?

Me: I don’t care what sounds good?

Pat: I don’t care you choose I chose last night.

Me: 1) no you didn’t 2) I’m already exhausted and don’t care

This is every single week day of our lives. Welcome to marriage I’m told.

So I’m on a mission to find what works for us. What will prevent that text message every morning from coming in? Or what will change it to a thinking of you text or an I love you message? I’m guessing changing dinner won’t do that but hey a girl can try.

First we tried Hello Fresh. It was good. Super easy to use I really enjoyed the first week. I let Pat pick what we were getting because he’s pickier than Rylan our 3 year old. Well close anyway. He liked it to but was not sold on spending the money. I feel it was a good deal and we spent less money on food that would go bad later.

Second we tried Sun Basket. I said we didn’t I? I meant I. My mom and I tried one of the meals and I did one on my own. I know my husband. That’s a solid no on SunBasket for him. To me it seemed healthier than Hello Fresh. The options are all healthier. I did choose gluten-free so I’m not sure if there’s a normal people diet on there or not that Pat might like better but I don’t care enough to check. Cancel that one too.

I haven’t tried any other subscription mail delivery ones. The next adventure now that we will be home for a while is PrepDish.

Here’s what Prep Dish is. Its meal planning and prep for the lazy girl (that’s me). They give you 4 dinners, a side, breakfast, and a snack and desert. They give the meal plan, the grocery list, a day of prep for the meals for the week and the menu. Everything my friend Shelley and other fitness people do all on their own. Like adults.

I apparently need someone to do it for me.

Pat does most of the cooking in our house. I know score right?! So while I put a lot stress on the situation it really isn’t that bad. Also he’s super easy-going so I’m being dramatic on the whole thing. But it would be nice to have control on this weight loss journey of mine. I don’t think I’ve talked seriously about it but I’m trying to get my weight down.  So on top a meal service having to be husband and toddler friendly it has to be mommy weight-loss friendly. I’m losing sight of the point to this post.

I got two free weeks of Prep Dish so we will see how this goes. I’m going to give it a try. I like it because I want to grocery shop and have the prep I just don’t want to plan. This way we have the planning and Pat and I can make adjustments so we will all be happy. I have extremely high hopes for this. If this doesn’t work I’m going to have to call in Shelley do help me and just pay her to even grocery shop for me.

Back up plan number 8… move in with Shelley and pay her rent.

If anyone has any other suggestions that’s not a meal delivery service I’m open to trying it.

Fear of Sutures

“How is your incision site?” My husband asks about 2 weeks after I had a C-section with our only daughter.

“Not sure, I haven’t looked at it”. I was 100% honest because I was too tired to lie. Also too tired to lie about having put on the ointment he gave me. I hadn’t been doing anything he recommended. I didn’t check it and it was my own body.

Rylan is 3 years old now. Her cat (Reba) is now 12 weeks roughly. I thought we’d celebrate her 12 weeks of life by taking her to the vet and getting her fixed. Happy Valentines Day!

My mom is amazing and kept Rylan over night on Valentines Day for us. We appreciated that mostly because I had to get the cat from the vet and wasn’t sure how Rylan would react to her being all drugged up and having her stomach cut open.

Through this I have realized something about myself. I am freaked out by stitches and open wounds and surgery.

It’s not going under that scares me. Its not that the blood although that could be part of it.

While driving home with the drugged up kitty I realized that I was scared her insides were going to fall out. I’m aware this is extremely irrational. But that was my fear driving home. We were going to hit a huge pot hole or I’d turn too sharp (I’m not a very good driver) and she would go flying, hit her cage and the whole wound would open up and she would die.

Same thing when the dog got spayed and even when I had my C-section. The thought that this cut was recently opened so a doctor could play with my organs is just too much for me. I don’t want to touch it. I’m scared of infection, I’m scared it will hurt to touch it, I’m scared that if I touch it its going to pop open and start some sort of zombie take over.

So facing my fears today I went to check on the cat. By myself. Sober. She was asleep comfortably on her little bed that she normally attacks and purred when I pet her. I tried to gently roll her over and when she resisted I thought “well I tried”. Gave her a kiss and went back to work.

Thanks to Reba I’ve realized a new fear I wasn’t fully aware that I had. Awesome.

Internet frustration

Okay I’m going to go on a first world problem rant.

The internet. The best and worst thing to ever happen to us. This instant gratification has spoiled and quite frankly ruined us.

Me in particular. I didn’t need another reason to be impatient. I didn’t need another distraction from life. I was fine singing the wrong words to songs and waiting until a certain actresses name came to me in the middle of the night.

What I’m not fine with is depending on it so much. Trying to submit my BodyCombat video for certification now and this is the 978th attempt. Slow internet, loss of connection, low battery, and just straight timing out has all been a factor at least once!

Not to mention I got it submitted only to get an email that it failed. Well shit.

The email also came with 4 other forms of technology that I could use to send this video of myself teaching in. NOT MY FAVORITE.

I hate looking at myself. Not because I think I’m fat because I’m working on that but because it’s me. I just don’t love it.

So while it downloads I have a few hours to look at my hunched shoulders and funky sports bra choice. Awesome.

*5 hours later*

Video is submitted. I feel like I should have a camera on me like the Blair Witch Project.  Sweating, snot, blood-shot eyes the whole thing.

But the video is in. All I can do is wait.

Also the cat pulled down all the cords and everything that connected the internet so I had to restart everything. Yes the cat is still alive but I haven’t seen it in about an hour since I threw a stuffed animal at it and chased it behind the couch with a Swiffer mop.

Again I’m aware its first world problems. But really as amazing as it is…. the internet sucks.