Good Golly Miss Molly!

I like to joke that I chased my husband for 15 years before I caught him. That’s not 100% accurate but it’s not totally wrong either!

We met freshmen year and I was fascinated by him. He was a basketball and football player and he hung out with the cool kids. He was also painfully shy (he would argue now but it was true then). But that’s shyness made him mysterious and sexy. I hope he doesn’t read this cause it will go straight to his head.

Anyway we dated off and on, and while I always wanted him I’m glad he was a pain in my butt for a while. He says he broke up with me because he knew I was the one and if we stayed together in high school we wouldn’t have ended up together. Ummm nice try. Wasn’t born yesterday.

However he’s right. Please don’t tell him!!! Not only is he right I’m thankful he “choose” to wait until later for us to make it work. It gave me a chance to live my life and be wild and fun before we got married.

During my wild fun days my friend Jeanette and I would go up to the casino and play in poker games. We were two young girls who where seriously underestimated and often would win tournaments. We had a blast. We won money.

On top of being poker players we are both pretty avid readers (yes our husbands scored big time! Did I mean ruin we are also fantasy football enthusiasts?). She gave me the book Molly’s Game to read. True story about the 26 year old poker princess who was busted running high stakes poker games.

Great book! I loved her point of view and that it read like a novel so it kept me wondering what was going to happen. Overall the story shows that money doesn’t buy happiness and you develop a soft spot for the poker princess.

It also made me wanna play again. Yes I know the moral of the story was gambling is bad and doesn’t lead to good things and it can take you into super dark places. I get it. I also am trying to put together a group of girls to play!

For the record I’m talking $50-$100 buy in. Not $500,000 like she was dealing with. So no one here is going broke or ruining our lives.

Really I’m just excited to have another reason to get the girls together.

Wish me luck!

Everything Is Horrible And Wonderful

I read this memoir because I listened to the author on a podcast. At this point I can’t even remember which podcast but I loved the author and immediately put it on hold at the library.

The book is the story of her brothers struggle with heroin and the year following his death. She finds out about the addiction 3 days before her wedding! Its tragic, heartbreaking, funny, light, and covers all human emotion in one story.

She takes you on a journey through being there for her brother and what his addiction looked like to her and her family while she’s dealing with things of her own. It also follows the year after his death. She elegantly takes you through the stages of grief without actually calling them out and you feel the weight of her grief all the way to the end.

We recently had a loss in our family and I was instantly drawn to the say she describes the final stage of acceptance. It’s not accepting that the person has passed or that they are gone forever. Its accepting that the grief you are carrying is the new normal. You learn to want to live again and to not let it drown you but essentially its accepting your new normal in this world without them. You learn that when something happens that you want to tell them about, to smile at their memory and the fact that they would have enjoyed it.

She made you laugh through the book and made you feel like you knew him. I think he was amazing and I never even watched his shows. He said something that she loved and I am equally drawn to it. He said “we are all horrible and wonderful and figuring it out”. I think that’s the exact quote but I’m sorry if I got it a bit wrong.

But isn’t that the best quote ever? Doesn’t it describe everything in life? We are all horrible and wonderful. Life is horrible and wonderful and we’re all just trying to figure it out as we go.

We go through season and in every season things are horrible and wonderful. Even when things seem absolutely horrible (let’s be honest they do sometimes) there is something wonderful in that. Either in knowing that it can only get better from there or crying your eyes out only to have your 4-year-old ask you if you think she can fly if she jumped off the tall side of the couch. “No sweetie save the stunts for gymnastics please”.

Life is full of moments like that. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who know how to make me laugh when I’m crying. Whether its bringing up blasts from the pasts or jumping in with stories of their misery that are comical when it’s not happening to you. Thanks guys! I’d say misery loves company but I know you’re doing it to make me smile. Mostly to stop the ugly face crying I’m sure.

Ending on a happy note Rylan tried on flower girl dresses for us and holy moly! I wasn’t sure how she was going to be (let’s be honest she has a stubborn mind of her own). But she was brilliant! I brought in 3 dresses and the first one she came out like Cinderella and was turning and spinning and LOVING the attention! So much so that now whenever she puts on anything she likes me to go into another room so she can make an entrance and I can cheer. This happened last night when she put on PJ’s. She walked into the living room and did turns while we cheered and clapped. As I write this I’m a bit concerned we are raising a narcissist.

Eh screw it. One day people won’t do that. The time is now!

Control Freak

I’ve recently discovered the library! I know I’m way behind the times but I started taking Rylan a few months ago and we fell in love. I came home with two books for me and two for Rylan and told Pat “guess what babe? I can read for FREE!!! Do you know how much money I’m saving on books?!” Which was stupid of me because his next question was “how much were you spending on books?”  Answer: trust me dahling you don’t want to know!

Anyway both Rylan and I love going on Tuesdays. Not during the kid play time though cause we aren’t ready to be that social. Although I’m going to start making her go. That lady tells stories way better than I do.

We go and she finds book and toys and I start a new book. I thought I was a slow reader, and I kind of am. But having a deadline to get the book back has made me realize I average a book every week, week and a half.

I’m currently reading a book and it mentioned that we are not actually scared of heights. We are scared that we will willingly jump.

Well that made me think… is that really true? I want to know more about this. Since I read that we’ve driven over Sonora Pass and as I looked over some of the cliffs I thought of that statement. Being scared of losing control and just willingly jump. To be clear I was thinking about the statement… I do not want to jump.

I’d bungee jump… maybe even sky dive. Its not the jumping that would scare me its the hitting the ground and dying that’s scary. But I guess I understand the statement. Its that fear of loss of control. That fear that you could lose it and just jump.

I think a lot of our fear and actions come from fear of not being in control. I like order. I like to know what’s coming and what to expect. I like to know that if I plan ahead I know how things will go. But you can’t control everything.

I can’t control my toddler. That’s been made clear every day of the last 4 years. I can control certain things but overall she’s her own person with her own attitude and thoughts and ideas about how she does things. “I can do it mama” is said more than 10 times daily in my house. Yes baby I know you can, but we need it done before tomorrow.

I think New Years resolutions are stupid. Why do you have to wait for a certain date to make a change? Listen to Tony Robbins and make the change right when you decide to! In the middle of the day, or week, or year. Just do it!

So while I hate resolutions I do want to focus this year on not being in control. Just letting go and let whatever happens happen. What’s coming will come and we’ll meet it when it does.

I’ve already started this considering in the last 4 months we’ve been changing careers like 5 times! In one month we went from putting in applications to houses in San Jose to Pleasanton to buying a gas station and staying in Sonora.

Final decision by the way is staying in town and taking over the Chevron. Joining the family business and welcoming my husband to the life I’ve had all growing up in the gas station world. Welcome honey I hope you like it!

I wont lie taking over the gas station and joining the family business feels a little like looking over the edge and jumping. In a wonderful way. That fear mixed with excitement and the unknown. The best part is we have this amazing support system of family and friends that feels like a giant net to catch us. Tony Robbins says to learn from the best if you want to be the best and that’s exactly what we are doing. Learning from my grandparents, parents, and Aunt/Uncle. They are the best in the business and we are so fortunate to learn from them and have their support.

So CHEERS to jumping into 2019. wow that was too cheesy even for me! Sorry guys.

 

 

Happiness Is Relative

I read a post on Instagram a day or two ago and its stayed with me. Have you ever had that happen? Where you read something and like two or three days later you’re still annoyed by it?

I’m not the kind of person to comment on it and leave my opinion. Mostly because I don’t know this person so I’m sure they don’t care what I have to say, but also because I don’t want to be “troll”. Is that even the right word? I didn’t want to start a stupid argument over something that’s really just a difference of opinion.

Anyway back to the point. I follow the hash tag debtfreecommunity. I’m working on becoming debt free and want a better financial future that want is considered normal these days. This post said that they paid off all their debt and they weren’t happy. It was encouraging people to continue to live their lives and not to worry about paying off debt because it wont make you happy to be debt free.

Well no shit Sherlock!

Reason #3 I didn’t comment on the page…I have a lot to say about this!

Of course if you are a super unhappy person and depend on ANYTHING to make you happy, you wont be. Happiness is about perspective and gratitude and is something that you have to work at everyday. To expect that once you get all your debt paid off that angels are going to come sing for you and lift you up on a happiness cloud is ridiculous. YOU have to make yourself happy.

We are working our bums off to get out of debt and we really aren’t even in that bad! I can tell you when my car is paid off I will be the one singing and dancing and celebrating because I really will be so happy! Am I relying on it for my total happiness? Absolutely not! But its going to be a major bonus!

I’m also pretty dang happy with where we are now. We both make decent money and I was fortunate enough to have a job that let me come back an extra day occasionally. I am blessed to be able to teach Les Mills classes and get paid to work out. I’m happy that I get to spend time with my family and have great friends who understand when I say “No I can’t come out tonight I didn’t budget for it”.

That’s the magic word and I think that’s what this Instagram user had a problem with. If I had to guess anyway. I don’t know this person.

Getting out of debt is hard. You have to say no to things you want to do and things you really could afford. Depending on how you look at being able to afford things.

If you are using a credit card in the process we are in now you can’t afford it. For some people that doesn’t matter and good for you. I don’t have a problem with that cause its not my business. People use them then pay off the balance each month. I’d want to be able to pay cash for everything.

I can tell you that as of now I’m enjoying budgeting every paycheck down to the dollar and knowing what we can and can’t do. I get super excited when I budget and put money in savings or get to throw an extra $100 at the credit card or soon to be just my car payment. I love watching those balances drop!

Everyone is different just like every budget and financial goal is different. I just didn’t appreciate this person posting and discouraging people to become debt free. Its hard enough when we are all trying to stay positive and encourage each other. I don’t need the negative Nancy out there making things harder.

So to everyone on a budget with a goal just know you can do this! It will be worth it because you are worth it. You deserve the money you work for and shouldn’t have to give it away!

The Last Mrs. Parrish

I’m not sure I have words for how intense this book was for me!

I don’t even like suspense that much anymore. I think the best I can compare it to is how I felt reading Gone Girl. Amazed that someone’s mind can work that way.

I’m kind of jealous of it. That someone is that creative and cunning but at the same time I’m terrified of it. Just like after watching the first Saw movie. (I only say the first one and watched it through my fingers and cried..not my genre AT ALL). I was horrified that someone’s mind created that. While these actions weren’t real they really came from a real person. I find it hard to sleep when I put too much thought into that.

Same way with The Last Mrs. Parrish. Because while it wasn’t a cold blooded murder book, it was a thought provoking, mind twisting, suspenseful book that left me questioning every person I’ve ever met.

Also wondering if something like this were happening to me how would I survive? Would I be so paralyzed in fear and disbelief that I wouldn’t be able to do anything? Would my survival instincts kick in and make my brain think crazy thoughts to get me out?

I’d like to think instincts would kick in but the whole time I was reading my only thought was “Oh my goodness I would just die”.  That can’t be good.

I’m sure factoring kids would change that. Obviously I’d do anything for Rylan. That’s a powerful instinct so I’m sure we’d manage but holy moly was I impressed with this whole book.

I highly recommend it and look forward to any conversations about the craziness that is this book! Now I need to go find something happy and cheery and super Romantic Comedy to bring me back to a normal state where I can trust everyone again! Suggestions?

Memes courtesy of Instagram #randomhousememes

DRANK THE KOOLAID

Me: did I tell you I went to the Tony Robbins convention last weekend?” I text my best guy friend.

Travis: yeah you told me about some of the brainwashing.

Me: shut it! It was a lot of positivity and actually super good for me. I took more out of it than I thought I would.

Travis: well if you’re going to join a cult I guess that’s a positive one to join.

True. There is a cult like feeling to it. But truly there’s a cult like feeling to anything when you get 12,000 people together doing the same thing.

To be honest I went into it thinking I was just going for my mom. I mean I was excited but a skeptic at heart and figured if nothing else it would be a fun weekend away with my mama and a break from life. But there was no way you were going to get me to walk on fire. Not a chance.

So no one was more shocked than I was to be out on the top parking lot of the SAP center clapping and chanting with 12,000 people getting myself in the right “state” and pumping myself up to walk across 8 feet of burning coals. But I did it. I was pumped up and excited and had convinced myself I could do this. Guess what? I DID IT!

It was brilliant. The whole first day was eye opening and I admit I drank the koolaid willingly and enthusiastically. Travis is right if you’re going to join something at least its a positive one.

I learned so much and truly committed to all the exercises we did. I found out a lot of things I didn’t even know I was holding on to and let go of things I knew logically I needed to let go of but didn’t know how.

I fell in love with every message he delivered and was so emerged in the whole process that I didn’t even notice when I hadn’t eaten anything until 5 in the afternoon. That’s how impressive Tony is and how truly motivational he is. You want to hear everything you don’t even want to pee let alone eat!

Its funny how people expect this major transformation and I truly do feel it but no one really wants to hear about it. I mean they do for about 10 minutes then they want to move on to normal stuff. I on the other hand could talk about this conference until I have no vocal cords left. That’s how much I loved it.

I could also talk to you about it till I’m blue in the face and it still wouldn’t have the same effect as actually going to a Tony Robbins event. I highly recommend everyone does it once in their lifetime. Its a must on the bucket list for sure.

I have such a new outlook on my relationships with people, on my goals for the future, and life in general that I can’t help but encourage people to go.

I’m looking forward to a new start and training myself to be positive and grateful in everything I do. It’s all about retraining my nervous system to keep myself in this positive state. So to that I say CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Sick Parenting

If you haven’t given your sick toddler fruit snacks for breakfast when their sick just so they’ll eat something, are you even a parent of a toddler?

That happened this morning. We spent Saturday in Urgent care and yesterday in the doctors office followed by the Emergency Room. Diagnosis: Pneumonia.

I learned a lot about our family in this Emergency process. I learned  my 3 year old can play opossum with the best of them. That’s right faking lethargy. I mean she was sick and tired and just wanted to cuddle but she wouldn’t even react when the doctor is listening to her lungs or to the pulse ox on her finger. Didn’t lift her head from my chest when a doctor or nurse was in the room.

When we leave the office she’s instantly Chatty Kathy asking pat where he was, and what took him so long to get there, and if we are going home, is he coming, why is he riding with us, and the best…telling us she’s fine and just wants to go watch Goldie and Bear. Opossum.

What I didn’t learn and am still trying to figure out is how do you parent a sick child? Where is the line between giving the fruit snacks for breakfast and totally losing control of your French parenting lifestyle goals? We try to be French and have a frame work of rules. I know we fail a lot but we have to have goals right?

For the most part we do okay. She listens pretty well and knows when we are serious about things. She gets time outs and yes I’ve patted her on the but before. But do you spank a sick kid? Do I put her in time out because she’s crying over the wrong color gummy vitamin? That seems a bit harsh since she clearly doesn’t feel good. On the other hand eat the damn gummy or cry in your room mommy is also tired now too.

Still this is a struggle for us. When you do stick to the rules and when do you let things slide because quite frankly when I’m sick the rules and expectations of me can suck it.

Its been a few days since I started writing this and I’m no closer to figuring it out. The only thing I can say is that she is a champ at taking medication! Even yucky antibiotics. She takes it herself and I feel like she’s in training for tequila shots. She takes the meds, has a juice chaser, and gets a gummy vitamin treat right after. Lick the salt, take the shot, suck the lime? I swear I’m a good mom! We can get concerned when she starts asking for chasers.

I think our saving grace was that I can use “doctors orders” for a lot of things! Threatening with having to go back to the hospital has also worked really well in my favor when trying to get her to do things. So bribes and blackmail is what it sounds like. Basically no different from my normal parenting style. Awesome.

To be clear there was a ton of cuddle time in my house. It was the silver lining that when she’s sick she just wants me by her side snuggled if the couch. Can’t complain about that one bit her snuggles are the very best. My hair can wait a few days to be washed anyway.

I found this podcast and am obsessed. Sounds like a tangent but its relevent I swear. It’s a parenting podcast and seriously the best one I’ve found yet! Here are  two links that literally had me laughing out loud while I was doing dishes and driving to and from work.

This is on sick day hacks   the other is on Whats up with toddlers

Seriously I feel like these girls are my spirit parents. One is great with research and both are just hysterical and so real. Refreshing and great with advice. Better advice than bribes and blackmail!