The Last Mrs. Parrish

I’m not sure I have words for how intense this book was for me!

I don’t even like suspense that much anymore. I think the best I can compare it to is how I felt reading Gone Girl. Amazed that someone’s mind can work that way.

I’m kind of jealous of it. That someone is that creative and cunning but at the same time I’m terrified of it. Just like after watching the first Saw movie. (I only say the first one and watched it through my fingers and cried..not my genre AT ALL). I was horrified that someone’s mind created that. While these actions weren’t real they really came from a real person. I find it hard to sleep when I put too much thought into that.

Same way with The Last Mrs. Parrish. Because while it wasn’t a cold blooded murder book, it was a thought provoking, mind twisting, suspenseful book that left me questioning every person I’ve ever met.

Also wondering if something like this were happening to me how would I survive? Would I be so paralyzed in fear and disbelief that I wouldn’t be able to do anything? Would my survival instincts kick in and make my brain think crazy thoughts to get me out?

I’d like to think instincts would kick in but the whole time I was reading my only thought was “Oh my goodness I would just die”.  That can’t be good.

I’m sure factoring kids would change that. Obviously I’d do anything for Rylan. That’s a powerful instinct so I’m sure we’d manage but holy moly was I impressed with this whole book.

I highly recommend it and look forward to any conversations about the craziness that is this book! Now I need to go find something happy and cheery and super Romantic Comedy to bring me back to a normal state where I can trust everyone again! Suggestions?

Memes courtesy of Instagram #randomhousememes

Sounds like fun

“Yeah of course that sounds like fun”

“I really need to, this is a great way to get back to the gym”

“For sure! 45 minutes of me time is just what I need”

“Remind me and I’ll be there ”

No you won’t. The thing is I’m just now learning to be okay with it.

I’ve been teaching Les Mills fitness classes for a while now. Like years. I’m certified in 5 different programs. Body Pump, RPM, Body Combat, Tone, CX Worx, and am working on Body Jam now.

My mom and dad have been to my RPM class… I have a few friends who have been to a few classes. On average I get 1 acquaintance in my class a month. This is not including fellow instructors supporting each other. Although let’s be honest we could do a better job of that as well.

I invite people to my classes constantly. I send out texts, I tag people on Instagram, (I’m not getting Facebook even if my classes depend on it) and I bug people when I see them.

Here’s why I do it. Because I love these programs. I love how they make me feel and how awesome it is to be apart of something so awesome. I want to share that feeling.

I’m not saying you need to work out. I’m saying come have fun with me.

Also this thing that I do… getting up in front of people and coaching you through moves to give you endorphins and make you feel good while you do it to awesome music… it means something to me. It’s hard to get up in front of people and talk let alone coach and it makes me feel good to have people in my class who are there for me personally.

I know working out isn’t a priority to everyone and it’s hard to make it to the gym. So if you don’t want to go that’s fine, just say no. Guess what? I’ll STOP asking! I promise.

I have gotten better at not taking it personal when people don’t come but lately I’ve gotten a lot of people who say yes and act excited then don’t show up. For some reason lately it’s felt personal and I know it shouldn’t.

But the thing is. It is personal.

It’s a choice who we spend time with and how we spend it so every time I’m told yes and get bailed on, it’s a choice someone made. It’s a choice to not spend time with me.

Also I really appreciate it when people do come. I know we are all living a crazy busy life and things happen so when people actually make it I feel the love.

So I don’t take it personal every time and I am trying to be understanding of the busy schedules.  Just know if you think you wont make it, tell me so. I’m okay with maybe.  I’ll be super excited and surprised if you end up being able to come.

Sick of Summer

As a pluviophile learning to love summer I think I’ve been doing really well! We have had the best summer ever so far. Partly because I’ve branched out of my bubble and am actually doing things. Its amazing how much fun stuff is when you actually go.

Its also because Rylan is older and able to talk and do things for herself. She’s also wanting to do things to and actually play with kids which just blows my mind. I mean the first time we were out and she said “mama can I go play with those kids?” I literally got tears in my eyes.

So here we are enjoying summer (still shocked by this) and then BAM!!!! Rylan wakes up with a runny nose and cough that sounds like a dog who’s been de-barked. What the actual hell.

Determined not to crash and burn on the summer of fun I’m trying to find ways to make this not suck.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

The obvious is Pedialyte popsicles. We’ve tried this in the past when she was younger and it was not a big hit. My hope is that since she’s older and helped me make them that she’ll be more interested in it.

As I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m not a normal mom. So it should come as no surprise that we have those little red solo plastic shot glasses. We don’t take shots of alcohol at all! But Rylan loves to drink water out of them. I save them for special occasions like when we bbq outside or when she’s sick and I need her to get as much fluids as possible. I know there’s not a lot in them but we set the timer for every 15 minutes and its a game for her.

We live on the corner of an intersection that gets a decent amount of traffic. Our house also has a ton of trees in the front and no shade at all in back. So we’ll be in our front yard on blankets enjoying the shade and eating pedialyte popsicles on blankets while yelling at people to slow down.

I don’t actually have a ton of tips. It basically comes down to anything goes as long as it keeps everyone somewhat happy. By happy I mean not drenched in tears or other bodily fluids.

I’ve got the essential oils going and am just hoping for the best! Finding the silver lining that I get quality time at home and on meds she actually naps.

Lots of reading time for both of us. I thought since I was reading about climbing Everest she would be interested. So laying with her I started reading out loud. She put her hand on my book and asked if I was reading for me or her. I said “I figured I’d read out loud so you can listen too”. Very seriously she rolled over and said “don’t”.

Open for more suggestions but so far doesn’t feel like I’m in Hell. We are surviving.

He’s Still My Best Friend

Not all people are animal people. But we are. Hard core. Our dogs are like members of our family. Yes its me saying this. The same girl who considers locking the cat out in the cold.

Just for the record the cat is now a family member. Now that I can let her out and she comes back and is actually calm and relaxed. She also comes in from being outside when I call her which is a bonus. So Reba can stay. And maybe snuggle me at night.

Anyway, Barry was 13 years old. Possibly a little older and had started to really slow down. The only thing harder than thinking about a pet dying is trying to prepare your 3 and a half year old. She’s pretty dang smart but kids have a way of surprising us.

I tried prepping her and holding her telling her “bubbas” was getting older and one day he wouldn’t live with us that he’d pass away and go run around with Jesus. She said “so we’ll just get a new bubbas”. Okay clearly I went about that wrong. So I just let it go.

Then Wednesday the 9th we had to put him down. He couldn’t walk and was clearly in so much pain it was hard to watch. He was having trouble breathing and wouldn’t even get up when I got home. He only attempted to walk when Pat got home.

It was the worst. I mean it was wonderful the way they have it set up. Our vet is the best and they have this beautiful yard you go to and they lay down a blanket and you get to hang with him for as long as you want while they sedate him first. Anyway its still the worst!

Pat and I were beyond devastated and still a few weeks later I’m barely able to write about it.

We had to tell Rylan.

I pull her in my lap and say “sweetie Barry passed away and went to heaven to be with Jesus”

Rylan: “so we’ll go visit him?”

“no sweetheart he’s up in heaven we wont be with him for a long time” I pull in her for a hug and tell her I know he was her best friend but before I can finish talking she pushes me away very angrily and yells  “HE’S STILL MY BEST FRIEND MAMA” and runs off down the hall.

Tears in both mine and Pats eyes we go to comfort her,except she doesn’t need it. She’s playing with her toys and is totally fine. To her Barry is still her best friend. That doesn’t change just because he isn’t with us in our house.

The last 3 weeks have been a grieving process roller coaster. Some days you remember things about him that make us smile. Some days Rylan comes in the house and says “I miss Bubbas”.

We picked him up from the vet where they very sweetly gave us his paw print in a ceramic circle the way new parents do their newborns feet. Ironically we have the kit to do Rylans and have never done it! Rylan looked at it with us and asked if Barry sent it to us from heaven. I’m letting her think he did.

Bailee our 7 year old lab was so devastated that Pat thought it was a great idea to go get another puppy. A 7 week old English lab we have named Hank. No matter how hard I protested that I wanted to name him Marshall, Rylan and I were out voted.

Hank has brought joy and is so fun but we are still devastated and learning to live without Barry daily.

Rylan is absolutely right. No matter what, no matter where, Barry is still our best friend.

Summer Fun

I can’t believe it. I’m loving summer! Yup you read that right!

We have planned quite a few things and have been having so much fun! A few Pinecrest trips already and a Pinecrest movie, Mammoth Lakes with the family, already a few lake trips and days on the houseboat.

I had a procedure so I haven’t been able to work out the way I was which is a bummer but I’m going to come back strong. I haven’t written much since Barry passed away but we got a new puppy. Which means I am also running low on sleep! Before I had my procedure I was taking Bailee for hikes and walks and can’t wait to start that again!

Its going to be so nice on Mondays to drop Rylan off at school and take her for a morning hike before it gets too hot! Pretty excited and she’s doing so good! She still pulls on the leash but is way better and I feel like she’s starting mature a bit. She’s a big sister now!

Its such a bummer that Pat has had to work every day since March! He still manages to make time for us because he’s amazing. But I still feel bad doing things without him. We aren’t going to his family cabin at Bucks lake this year. It doesn’t seem fair to do things and go there without him.

Rylan is loving summer so much too. Which is good! I don’t want her to inherit my dislike for summer the way she’s adapted my dislike of babies!!!

Her baby cousin is the cutest thing ever and yet at 2 months old she still acts like he’s a little terrorist out to ruin her life. He can’t walk, talk, or take her toys and yet when he’s around she goes into a kind of panic mode! Screaming and crying when he cries and clinging to me wanting to be in a different room than him at all times.

It was funny the first time. Its been 2 months. Its not funny anymore!

They came swimming with us and she whined and cried for 2 hours because he was there. NOPE! I let her cry. she had her floaty on and would get in the water and be okay until she looked at him. ugh. Its not like its a sibling but I love them we will be spending a lot of time with them! She needs to get over it!

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Free Tony

I was at the San Jose Unleash the Power Within Seminar. Thats right I was front and center for the Me Too fiasco. Well more like first level up, but I had a great view of the ridiculousness.

Thats right I called it ridiculousness. Anyone who claims that he was “bashing” the movement or anything of that nature truly wasn’t listening. INCLUDING the woman in the video who stood up and spoke. (Side note: whoever gave her a mic should be kicked in the nuts).

I WAS THERE. To anyone who wants to argue. I’ve seen the footage and they are leaving out key parts of the message to get their point across. Shocking right? No one ever does that in the news anymore.

I should have started this with some strong woman speech because I truly believe I am. I support other women whole heartedly and truly think that the #metoo movement is great thing.  When its being used correctly. Which was exactly what he was saying.

“With great power comes great responsibility”. Right? But with great power and a great platform comes an element of risk. There’s a chance for someone to take advantage. If you sit there and tell me that EVERY SINGLE CLAIM in the Movement is sincere and just, than you are delusional. With any movement you have to know that there will be some people who will try and use it with their own motives. Sadly thats what happens when we have free will.

Its a sad truth that people would do this but you can’t deny that its happened. Yes its offensive to people who have truly gone through something horrible. To people who really have a reason to stand up and say this has happened to me too and it has to stop. That’s what takes away from it. Not Tony.

He didn’t mention his friend who was scared to hire a woman until after this lady stood up and started in on him. That was NEVER the original intent of the message. The message was that people have 6 human needs. We all do. One of them is to feel significant and these days there are so many ways to do that not all of them are good. We have to choose good ways to make ourselves feel significant, not by tearing other people down.

If we were all so incredibly honest there wouldn’t be a movement to begin with and there would be no war and we’d all be living in peace. I think we can all AT LEAST agree thats not happening.

Using the movement as a way to get your significance is happening. We all have to be careful with the stones we throw and that was his point. Thank you to whoever brought this out like this and made it seem like something it wasn’t because all you’ve done is make me agree with him more and prove the point that people do stupid shit to feel significant. To whoever did I’m sure you do feel significant… enjoy it cause it will only last about 10 minutes.

I stand by the fact that I had an amazing time at the seminar. I took nothing but positivity away from the whole thing and have since been trying to treat people better and am making radical changes to myself. It feels fantastic and I’m forever grateful for having gone to the seminar.

DRANK THE KOOLAID

Me: did I tell you I went to the Tony Robbins convention last weekend?” I text my best guy friend.

Travis: yeah you told me about some of the brainwashing.

Me: shut it! It was a lot of positivity and actually super good for me. I took more out of it than I thought I would.

Travis: well if you’re going to join a cult I guess that’s a positive one to join.

True. There is a cult like feeling to it. But truly there’s a cult like feeling to anything when you get 12,000 people together doing the same thing.

To be honest I went into it thinking I was just going for my mom. I mean I was excited but a skeptic at heart and figured if nothing else it would be a fun weekend away with my mama and a break from life. But there was no way you were going to get me to walk on fire. Not a chance.

So no one was more shocked than I was to be out on the top parking lot of the SAP center clapping and chanting with 12,000 people getting myself in the right “state” and pumping myself up to walk across 8 feet of burning coals. But I did it. I was pumped up and excited and had convinced myself I could do this. Guess what? I DID IT!

It was brilliant. The whole first day was eye opening and I admit I drank the koolaid willingly and enthusiastically. Travis is right if you’re going to join something at least its a positive one.

I learned so much and truly committed to all the exercises we did. I found out a lot of things I didn’t even know I was holding on to and let go of things I knew logically I needed to let go of but didn’t know how.

I fell in love with every message he delivered and was so emerged in the whole process that I didn’t even notice when I hadn’t eaten anything until 5 in the afternoon. That’s how impressive Tony is and how truly motivational he is. You want to hear everything you don’t even want to pee let alone eat!

Its funny how people expect this major transformation and I truly do feel it but no one really wants to hear about it. I mean they do for about 10 minutes then they want to move on to normal stuff. I on the other hand could talk about this conference until I have no vocal cords left. That’s how much I loved it.

I could also talk to you about it till I’m blue in the face and it still wouldn’t have the same effect as actually going to a Tony Robbins event. I highly recommend everyone does it once in their lifetime. Its a must on the bucket list for sure.

I have such a new outlook on my relationships with people, on my goals for the future, and life in general that I can’t help but encourage people to go.

I’m looking forward to a new start and training myself to be positive and grateful in everything I do. It’s all about retraining my nervous system to keep myself in this positive state. So to that I say CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!