It Feels Like Goodbye

I deleted my Instagram. Well lets not get carried away. I deleted my Instagram App on my phone.

Have you ever seen a post and had strong feelings about it? Then continued to read other peoples comments on it and get even more heated? I’ve read both posts and responses and felt myself getting angry and wanting to reply with my own thoughts and opinions. Then before I hit send I got slapped with a reality check. These people are nobody’s.

I’m sure they are someone special to the people in their lives but they have no significance in my life what so ever. Want proof? I deleted the app and now they no longer exist to me at all. In a few selections on my phone I made them vanish from my life and you know what? It felt good.

There was a post the other day on Instagram from the Food Network where a mom made homemade pasta with her kids. It was adorable. I read the comments and people were BASHING her for the way she did it. Using a certain kind of flour and that she used eggs when she shouldn’t. Are you kidding me people? What is wrong with us that we feel we need to leave mean comments everywhere? You don’t like the way she did it? DON’T DO IT THAT WAY. But guess what? No one else cares!

I understand commenting on some stuff but can’t we just keep it positive? so you don’t like the way a mom does something, it is possible to think your thought and move on with your day. You don’t have to post it. Shocking I know.

Why are we so worried about what every one else is doing? Isn’t it exhausting? Isn’t being a woman, mom, friend, wife, even just being a human enough? Why are we making it more difficult?

Why are we trying to one up each other? Why are we trying to prove we are the best mom? Or cook? Or athlete?

We should be trying to prove that we are kind. That we care about people as humans. I want to raise Rylan to love everyone. I want her to be kind to everyone. Even those that aren’t kind to her. Chances are those are the ones who need a hug the most. She doesn’t have to hug everyone because lets be real… day care germs. But I’d like the sentiment to be there.

So yes I deleted Instagram. I want to live this summer like a kid from the 80’s. I want to spend my time at the lake and the pool and hiking around the most beautiful places in California (I say California cause I live there and while I want to travel, I’m realistic about hiking and traveling with at 4 year old. I’m not crazy). We live an hour from Yosemite. I should be there every day off. I want to do all these things with out worrying about an Instagram photo or stopping to see who liked it.

Rylan and I are doing things this summer that we want to do.  Things that make us happy not add more stress to our lives. I’m not going to put us in situations that cause us stress anymore.

This also means I’m deleting this website. Its a great outlet for me and I’ve enjoyed putting my thoughts online but I have a journal at home that basically gets the same number of views. *laughing out loud!* not a pity party at all! I have not invested a ton of time or energy into this so I haven’t expected to be making money from it. It started out as fun and its ending on a good note.

Best wishes to everyone! I hope you enjoy your summer as much as we plan to!

Oh and remember if you can’t say anything nice, take a look in the mirror and figure out why you’re being negative. The only thing you can change is your attitude not someone else’s opinion.

 

 

Control Freak

I’ve recently discovered the library! I know I’m way behind the times but I started taking Rylan a few months ago and we fell in love. I came home with two books for me and two for Rylan and told Pat “guess what babe? I can read for FREE!!! Do you know how much money I’m saving on books?!” Which was stupid of me because his next question was “how much were you spending on books?”  Answer: trust me dahling you don’t want to know!

Anyway both Rylan and I love going on Tuesdays. Not during the kid play time though cause we aren’t ready to be that social. Although I’m going to start making her go. That lady tells stories way better than I do.

We go and she finds book and toys and I start a new book. I thought I was a slow reader, and I kind of am. But having a deadline to get the book back has made me realize I average a book every week, week and a half.

I’m currently reading a book and it mentioned that we are not actually scared of heights. We are scared that we will willingly jump.

Well that made me think… is that really true? I want to know more about this. Since I read that we’ve driven over Sonora Pass and as I looked over some of the cliffs I thought of that statement. Being scared of losing control and just willingly jump. To be clear I was thinking about the statement… I do not want to jump.

I’d bungee jump… maybe even sky dive. Its not the jumping that would scare me its the hitting the ground and dying that’s scary. But I guess I understand the statement. Its that fear of loss of control. That fear that you could lose it and just jump.

I think a lot of our fear and actions come from fear of not being in control. I like order. I like to know what’s coming and what to expect. I like to know that if I plan ahead I know how things will go. But you can’t control everything.

I can’t control my toddler. That’s been made clear every day of the last 4 years. I can control certain things but overall she’s her own person with her own attitude and thoughts and ideas about how she does things. “I can do it mama” is said more than 10 times daily in my house. Yes baby I know you can, but we need it done before tomorrow.

I think New Years resolutions are stupid. Why do you have to wait for a certain date to make a change? Listen to Tony Robbins and make the change right when you decide to! In the middle of the day, or week, or year. Just do it!

So while I hate resolutions I do want to focus this year on not being in control. Just letting go and let whatever happens happen. What’s coming will come and we’ll meet it when it does.

I’ve already started this considering in the last 4 months we’ve been changing careers like 5 times! In one month we went from putting in applications to houses in San Jose to Pleasanton to buying a gas station and staying in Sonora.

Final decision by the way is staying in town and taking over the Chevron. Joining the family business and welcoming my husband to the life I’ve had all growing up in the gas station world. Welcome honey I hope you like it!

I wont lie taking over the gas station and joining the family business feels a little like looking over the edge and jumping. In a wonderful way. That fear mixed with excitement and the unknown. The best part is we have this amazing support system of family and friends that feels like a giant net to catch us. Tony Robbins says to learn from the best if you want to be the best and that’s exactly what we are doing. Learning from my grandparents, parents, and Aunt/Uncle. They are the best in the business and we are so fortunate to learn from them and have their support.

So CHEERS to jumping into 2019. wow that was too cheesy even for me! Sorry guys.

 

 

Jesus Culture

Pat: “sorry I just think its weird to drive that far for church”

Me: I get it you think its weird but we wanna go and the bible study girls swear its worth the drive. Its not like we are doing this every Sunday.

Pat: Alright see you around 12.

That was when he thought we were just going to Modesto for church. The Jesus Culture we went to is in Folsom. So instead of driving 45 min (which he thought was ridiculous) I was in fact, driving an hour an half.

The bible study girls were absolutely right. It was well worth the drive. Its not something I can afford to do every Sunday but its worth planning in advance to go to.

I hadn’t been to church in a really long time and this was exactly what I needed.

I fell in love with the worship. I’m not a huge live music person. So much so that if we are at a bar and they start setting up live music I start sweating and pay the tab and get the heck out of there. I don’t like it. BUT I like a legit concert with good music and that’s what worship felt like. A great concert environment with great music and great energy.

The message was even better if that’s possible. Love people. Ground breaking, mind blown, gooesbumps type of message. I loved that overall the message was not to be apart of a church but how to live better and love people better. It went right along with all my Tony Robbins things.

Its positive thinking and being kind and having faith in God. They are now doing a “Church I See” series in their sermons and I love that too. The church they see and that I want to be apart of is full of hope. It looks to the future and asks what we can do for our church not what the church can do for me. In that message alone it does a great deal for me. It switches my focus away from myself and thats extremely freeing and powerful.

Tony Robbins talks about saving your relationship. Suggesting that we do what we did in the beginning of the relationship and there won’t be an end. So I asked myself what was different in the start of my relationship? How as I different towards my husband. Well things were about him. Everything wasn’t constantly about me. Bringing it back to the start and seeing how you can make others happy will essentially make you happier.

After having gone to the church and having a hard time making it back there, I started listening to their podcast and continue to be inspired and motivated. I think the best quote that hit home for me was “Jesus didn’t rise from the tomb for us to be better at church, he rose for us to live a better life”.

I continue to listen to the podcast every week and feel pretty connected to this Church that even though I can’t make it every week I feel better after listening. So if anyone is up for a road trip to Church let me know!

Happiness Is Relative

I read a post on Instagram a day or two ago and its stayed with me. Have you ever had that happen? Where you read something and like two or three days later you’re still annoyed by it?

I’m not the kind of person to comment on it and leave my opinion. Mostly because I don’t know this person so I’m sure they don’t care what I have to say, but also because I don’t want to be “troll”. Is that even the right word? I didn’t want to start a stupid argument over something that’s really just a difference of opinion.

Anyway back to the point. I follow the hash tag debtfreecommunity. I’m working on becoming debt free and want a better financial future that want is considered normal these days. This post said that they paid off all their debt and they weren’t happy. It was encouraging people to continue to live their lives and not to worry about paying off debt because it wont make you happy to be debt free.

Well no shit Sherlock!

Reason #3 I didn’t comment on the page…I have a lot to say about this!

Of course if you are a super unhappy person and depend on ANYTHING to make you happy, you wont be. Happiness is about perspective and gratitude and is something that you have to work at everyday. To expect that once you get all your debt paid off that angels are going to come sing for you and lift you up on a happiness cloud is ridiculous. YOU have to make yourself happy.

We are working our bums off to get out of debt and we really aren’t even in that bad! I can tell you when my car is paid off I will be the one singing and dancing and celebrating because I really will be so happy! Am I relying on it for my total happiness? Absolutely not! But its going to be a major bonus!

I’m also pretty dang happy with where we are now. We both make decent money and I was fortunate enough to have a job that let me come back an extra day occasionally. I am blessed to be able to teach Les Mills classes and get paid to work out. I’m happy that I get to spend time with my family and have great friends who understand when I say “No I can’t come out tonight I didn’t budget for it”.

That’s the magic word and I think that’s what this Instagram user had a problem with. If I had to guess anyway. I don’t know this person.

Getting out of debt is hard. You have to say no to things you want to do and things you really could afford. Depending on how you look at being able to afford things.

If you are using a credit card in the process we are in now you can’t afford it. For some people that doesn’t matter and good for you. I don’t have a problem with that cause its not my business. People use them then pay off the balance each month. I’d want to be able to pay cash for everything.

I can tell you that as of now I’m enjoying budgeting every paycheck down to the dollar and knowing what we can and can’t do. I get super excited when I budget and put money in savings or get to throw an extra $100 at the credit card or soon to be just my car payment. I love watching those balances drop!

Everyone is different just like every budget and financial goal is different. I just didn’t appreciate this person posting and discouraging people to become debt free. Its hard enough when we are all trying to stay positive and encourage each other. I don’t need the negative Nancy out there making things harder.

So to everyone on a budget with a goal just know you can do this! It will be worth it because you are worth it. You deserve the money you work for and shouldn’t have to give it away!

Sick of Summer

As a pluviophile learning to love summer I think I’ve been doing really well! We have had the best summer ever so far. Partly because I’ve branched out of my bubble and am actually doing things. Its amazing how much fun stuff is when you actually go.

Its also because Rylan is older and able to talk and do things for herself. She’s also wanting to do things to and actually play with kids which just blows my mind. I mean the first time we were out and she said “mama can I go play with those kids?” I literally got tears in my eyes.

So here we are enjoying summer (still shocked by this) and then BAM!!!! Rylan wakes up with a runny nose and cough that sounds like a dog who’s been de-barked. What the actual hell.

Determined not to crash and burn on the summer of fun I’m trying to find ways to make this not suck.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

The obvious is Pedialyte popsicles. We’ve tried this in the past when she was younger and it was not a big hit. My hope is that since she’s older and helped me make them that she’ll be more interested in it.

As I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m not a normal mom. So it should come as no surprise that we have those little red solo plastic shot glasses. We don’t take shots of alcohol at all! But Rylan loves to drink water out of them. I save them for special occasions like when we bbq outside or when she’s sick and I need her to get as much fluids as possible. I know there’s not a lot in them but we set the timer for every 15 minutes and its a game for her.

We live on the corner of an intersection that gets a decent amount of traffic. Our house also has a ton of trees in the front and no shade at all in back. So we’ll be in our front yard on blankets enjoying the shade and eating pedialyte popsicles on blankets while yelling at people to slow down.

I don’t actually have a ton of tips. It basically comes down to anything goes as long as it keeps everyone somewhat happy. By happy I mean not drenched in tears or other bodily fluids.

I’ve got the essential oils going and am just hoping for the best! Finding the silver lining that I get quality time at home and on meds she actually naps.

Lots of reading time for both of us. I thought since I was reading about climbing Everest she would be interested. So laying with her I started reading out loud. She put her hand on my book and asked if I was reading for me or her. I said “I figured I’d read out loud so you can listen too”. Very seriously she rolled over and said “don’t”.

Open for more suggestions but so far doesn’t feel like I’m in Hell. We are surviving.

Summer Fun

I can’t believe it. I’m loving summer! Yup you read that right!

We have planned quite a few things and have been having so much fun! A few Pinecrest trips already and a Pinecrest movie, Mammoth Lakes with the family, already a few lake trips and days on the houseboat.

I had a procedure so I haven’t been able to work out the way I was which is a bummer but I’m going to come back strong. I haven’t written much since Barry passed away but we got a new puppy. Which means I am also running low on sleep! Before I had my procedure I was taking Bailee for hikes and walks and can’t wait to start that again!

Its going to be so nice on Mondays to drop Rylan off at school and take her for a morning hike before it gets too hot! Pretty excited and she’s doing so good! She still pulls on the leash but is way better and I feel like she’s starting mature a bit. She’s a big sister now!

Its such a bummer that Pat has had to work every day since March! He still manages to make time for us because he’s amazing. But I still feel bad doing things without him. We aren’t going to his family cabin at Bucks lake this year. It doesn’t seem fair to do things and go there without him.

Rylan is loving summer so much too. Which is good! I don’t want her to inherit my dislike for summer the way she’s adapted my dislike of babies!!!

Her baby cousin is the cutest thing ever and yet at 2 months old she still acts like he’s a little terrorist out to ruin her life. He can’t walk, talk, or take her toys and yet when he’s around she goes into a kind of panic mode! Screaming and crying when he cries and clinging to me wanting to be in a different room than him at all times.

It was funny the first time. Its been 2 months. Its not funny anymore!

They came swimming with us and she whined and cried for 2 hours because he was there. NOPE! I let her cry. she had her floaty on and would get in the water and be okay until she looked at him. ugh. Its not like its a sibling but I love them we will be spending a lot of time with them! She needs to get over it!

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

DRANK THE KOOLAID

Me: did I tell you I went to the Tony Robbins convention last weekend?” I text my best guy friend.

Travis: yeah you told me about some of the brainwashing.

Me: shut it! It was a lot of positivity and actually super good for me. I took more out of it than I thought I would.

Travis: well if you’re going to join a cult I guess that’s a positive one to join.

True. There is a cult like feeling to it. But truly there’s a cult like feeling to anything when you get 12,000 people together doing the same thing.

To be honest I went into it thinking I was just going for my mom. I mean I was excited but a skeptic at heart and figured if nothing else it would be a fun weekend away with my mama and a break from life. But there was no way you were going to get me to walk on fire. Not a chance.

So no one was more shocked than I was to be out on the top parking lot of the SAP center clapping and chanting with 12,000 people getting myself in the right “state” and pumping myself up to walk across 8 feet of burning coals. But I did it. I was pumped up and excited and had convinced myself I could do this. Guess what? I DID IT!

It was brilliant. The whole first day was eye opening and I admit I drank the koolaid willingly and enthusiastically. Travis is right if you’re going to join something at least its a positive one.

I learned so much and truly committed to all the exercises we did. I found out a lot of things I didn’t even know I was holding on to and let go of things I knew logically I needed to let go of but didn’t know how.

I fell in love with every message he delivered and was so emerged in the whole process that I didn’t even notice when I hadn’t eaten anything until 5 in the afternoon. That’s how impressive Tony is and how truly motivational he is. You want to hear everything you don’t even want to pee let alone eat!

Its funny how people expect this major transformation and I truly do feel it but no one really wants to hear about it. I mean they do for about 10 minutes then they want to move on to normal stuff. I on the other hand could talk about this conference until I have no vocal cords left. That’s how much I loved it.

I could also talk to you about it till I’m blue in the face and it still wouldn’t have the same effect as actually going to a Tony Robbins event. I highly recommend everyone does it once in their lifetime. Its a must on the bucket list for sure.

I have such a new outlook on my relationships with people, on my goals for the future, and life in general that I can’t help but encourage people to go.

I’m looking forward to a new start and training myself to be positive and grateful in everything I do. It’s all about retraining my nervous system to keep myself in this positive state. So to that I say CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!