DRANK THE KOOLAID

Me: did I tell you I went to the Tony Robbins convention last weekend?” I text my best guy friend.

Travis: yeah you told me about some of the brainwashing.

Me: shut it! It was a lot of positivity and actually super good for me. I took more out of it than I thought I would.

Travis: well if you’re going to join a cult I guess that’s a positive one to join.

True. There is a cult like feeling to it. But truly there’s a cult like feeling to anything when you get 12,000 people together doing the same thing.

To be honest I went into it thinking I was just going for my mom. I mean I was excited but a skeptic at heart and figured if nothing else it would be a fun weekend away with my mama and a break from life. But there was no way you were going to get me to walk on fire. Not a chance.

So no one was more shocked than I was to be out on the top parking lot of the SAP center clapping and chanting with 12,000 people getting myself in the right “state” and pumping myself up to walk across 8 feet of burning coals. But I did it. I was pumped up and excited and had convinced myself I could do this. Guess what? I DID IT!

It was brilliant. The whole first day was eye opening and I admit I drank the koolaid willingly and enthusiastically. Travis is right if you’re going to join something at least its a positive one.

I learned so much and truly committed to all the exercises we did. I found out a lot of things I didn’t even know I was holding on to and let go of things I knew logically I needed to let go of but didn’t know how.

I fell in love with every message he delivered and was so emerged in the whole process that I didn’t even notice when I hadn’t eaten anything until 5 in the afternoon. That’s how impressive Tony is and how truly motivational he is. You want to hear everything you don’t even want to pee let alone eat!

Its funny how people expect this major transformation and I truly do feel it but no one really wants to hear about it. I mean they do for about 10 minutes then they want to move on to normal stuff. I on the other hand could talk about this conference until I have no vocal cords left. That’s how much I loved it.

I could also talk to you about it till I’m blue in the face and it still wouldn’t have the same effect as actually going to a Tony Robbins event. I highly recommend everyone does it once in their lifetime. Its a must on the bucket list for sure.

I have such a new outlook on my relationships with people, on my goals for the future, and life in general that I can’t help but encourage people to go.

I’m looking forward to a new start and training myself to be positive and grateful in everything I do. It’s all about retraining my nervous system to keep myself in this positive state. So to that I say CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Sick Parenting

If you haven’t given your sick toddler fruit snacks for breakfast when their sick just so they’ll eat something, are you even a parent of a toddler?

That happened this morning. We spent Saturday in Urgent care and yesterday in the doctors office followed by the Emergency Room. Diagnosis: Pneumonia.

I learned a lot about our family in this Emergency process. I learned  my 3 year old can play opossum with the best of them. That’s right faking lethargy. I mean she was sick and tired and just wanted to cuddle but she wouldn’t even react when the doctor is listening to her lungs or to the pulse ox on her finger. Didn’t lift her head from my chest when a doctor or nurse was in the room.

When we leave the office she’s instantly Chatty Kathy asking pat where he was, and what took him so long to get there, and if we are going home, is he coming, why is he riding with us, and the best…telling us she’s fine and just wants to go watch Goldie and Bear. Opossum.

What I didn’t learn and am still trying to figure out is how do you parent a sick child? Where is the line between giving the fruit snacks for breakfast and totally losing control of your French parenting lifestyle goals? We try to be French and have a frame work of rules. I know we fail a lot but we have to have goals right?

For the most part we do okay. She listens pretty well and knows when we are serious about things. She gets time outs and yes I’ve patted her on the but before. But do you spank a sick kid? Do I put her in time out because she’s crying over the wrong color gummy vitamin? That seems a bit harsh since she clearly doesn’t feel good. On the other hand eat the damn gummy or cry in your room mommy is also tired now too.

Still this is a struggle for us. When you do stick to the rules and when do you let things slide because quite frankly when I’m sick the rules and expectations of me can suck it.

Its been a few days since I started writing this and I’m no closer to figuring it out. The only thing I can say is that she is a champ at taking medication! Even yucky antibiotics. She takes it herself and I feel like she’s in training for tequila shots. She takes the meds, has a juice chaser, and gets a gummy vitamin treat right after. Lick the salt, take the shot, suck the lime? I swear I’m a good mom! We can get concerned when she starts asking for chasers.

I think our saving grace was that I can use “doctors orders” for a lot of things! Threatening with having to go back to the hospital has also worked really well in my favor when trying to get her to do things. So bribes and blackmail is what it sounds like. Basically no different from my normal parenting style. Awesome.

To be clear there was a ton of cuddle time in my house. It was the silver lining that when she’s sick she just wants me by her side snuggled if the couch. Can’t complain about that one bit her snuggles are the very best. My hair can wait a few days to be washed anyway.

I found this podcast and am obsessed. Sounds like a tangent but its relevent I swear. It’s a parenting podcast and seriously the best one I’ve found yet! Here are  two links that literally had me laughing out loud while I was doing dishes and driving to and from work.

This is on sick day hacks   the other is on Whats up with toddlers

Seriously I feel like these girls are my spirit parents. One is great with research and both are just hysterical and so real. Refreshing and great with advice. Better advice than bribes and blackmail!

FOOD!!!!!

9:30am *bing* a text from Pat: What do you want for dinner?

Me: I don’t care what sounds good?

Pat: I don’t care you choose I chose last night.

Me: 1) no you didn’t 2) I’m already exhausted and don’t care

This is every single week day of our lives. Welcome to marriage I’m told.

So I’m on a mission to find what works for us. What will prevent that text message every morning from coming in? Or what will change it to a thinking of you text or an I love you message? I’m guessing changing dinner won’t do that but hey a girl can try.

First we tried Hello Fresh. It was good. Super easy to use I really enjoyed the first week. I let Pat pick what we were getting because he’s pickier than Rylan our 3 year old. Well close anyway. He liked it to but was not sold on spending the money. I feel it was a good deal and we spent less money on food that would go bad later.

Second we tried Sun Basket. I said we didn’t I? I meant I. My mom and I tried one of the meals and I did one on my own. I know my husband. That’s a solid no on SunBasket for him. To me it seemed healthier than Hello Fresh. The options are all healthier. I did choose gluten-free so I’m not sure if there’s a normal people diet on there or not that Pat might like better but I don’t care enough to check. Cancel that one too.

I haven’t tried any other subscription mail delivery ones. The next adventure now that we will be home for a while is PrepDish.

Here’s what Prep Dish is. Its meal planning and prep for the lazy girl (that’s me). They give you 4 dinners, a side, breakfast, and a snack and desert. They give the meal plan, the grocery list, a day of prep for the meals for the week and the menu. Everything my friend Shelley and other fitness people do all on their own. Like adults.

I apparently need someone to do it for me.

Pat does most of the cooking in our house. I know score right?! So while I put a lot stress on the situation it really isn’t that bad. Also he’s super easy-going so I’m being dramatic on the whole thing. But it would be nice to have control on this weight loss journey of mine. I don’t think I’ve talked seriously about it but I’m trying to get my weight down.  So on top a meal service having to be husband and toddler friendly it has to be mommy weight-loss friendly. I’m losing sight of the point to this post.

I got two free weeks of Prep Dish so we will see how this goes. I’m going to give it a try. I like it because I want to grocery shop and have the prep I just don’t want to plan. This way we have the planning and Pat and I can make adjustments so we will all be happy. I have extremely high hopes for this. If this doesn’t work I’m going to have to call in Shelley do help me and just pay her to even grocery shop for me.

Back up plan number 8… move in with Shelley and pay her rent.

If anyone has any other suggestions that’s not a meal delivery service I’m open to trying it.

Fear of Sutures

“How is your incision site?” My husband asks about 2 weeks after I had a C-section with our only daughter.

“Not sure, I haven’t looked at it”. I was 100% honest because I was too tired to lie. Also too tired to lie about having put on the ointment he gave me. I hadn’t been doing anything he recommended. I didn’t check it and it was my own body.

Rylan is 3 years old now. Her cat (Reba) is now 12 weeks roughly. I thought we’d celebrate her 12 weeks of life by taking her to the vet and getting her fixed. Happy Valentines Day!

My mom is amazing and kept Rylan over night on Valentines Day for us. We appreciated that mostly because I had to get the cat from the vet and wasn’t sure how Rylan would react to her being all drugged up and having her stomach cut open.

Through this I have realized something about myself. I am freaked out by stitches and open wounds and surgery.

It’s not going under that scares me. Its not that the blood although that could be part of it.

While driving home with the drugged up kitty I realized that I was scared her insides were going to fall out. I’m aware this is extremely irrational. But that was my fear driving home. We were going to hit a huge pot hole or I’d turn too sharp (I’m not a very good driver) and she would go flying, hit her cage and the whole wound would open up and she would die.

Same thing when the dog got spayed and even when I had my C-section. The thought that this cut was recently opened so a doctor could play with my organs is just too much for me. I don’t want to touch it. I’m scared of infection, I’m scared it will hurt to touch it, I’m scared that if I touch it its going to pop open and start some sort of zombie take over.

So facing my fears today I went to check on the cat. By myself. Sober. She was asleep comfortably on her little bed that she normally attacks and purred when I pet her. I tried to gently roll her over and when she resisted I thought “well I tried”. Gave her a kiss and went back to work.

Thanks to Reba I’ve realized a new fear I wasn’t fully aware that I had. Awesome.

Internet frustration

Okay I’m going to go on a first world problem rant.

The internet. The best and worst thing to ever happen to us. This instant gratification has spoiled and quite frankly ruined us.

Me in particular. I didn’t need another reason to be impatient. I didn’t need another distraction from life. I was fine singing the wrong words to songs and waiting until a certain actresses name came to me in the middle of the night.

What I’m not fine with is depending on it so much. Trying to submit my BodyCombat video for certification now and this is the 978th attempt. Slow internet, loss of connection, low battery, and just straight timing out has all been a factor at least once!

Not to mention I got it submitted only to get an email that it failed. Well shit.

The email also came with 4 other forms of technology that I could use to send this video of myself teaching in. NOT MY FAVORITE.

I hate looking at myself. Not because I think I’m fat because I’m working on that but because it’s me. I just don’t love it.

So while it downloads I have a few hours to look at my hunched shoulders and funky sports bra choice. Awesome.

*5 hours later*

Video is submitted. I feel like I should have a camera on me like the Blair Witch Project.  Sweating, snot, blood-shot eyes the whole thing.

But the video is in. All I can do is wait.

Also the cat pulled down all the cords and everything that connected the internet so I had to restart everything. Yes the cat is still alive but I haven’t seen it in about an hour since I threw a stuffed animal at it and chased it behind the couch with a Swiffer mop.

Again I’m aware its first world problems. But really as amazing as it is…. the internet sucks.

 

104 Degree Panic Attack

“Where the thermometer? I think she has a fever!” I yell to Pat as I’m changing Rylans diaper.

“She doesn’t have a fever we just checked it an hour ago” Pat rolls his eyes as he hands me the thermometer.

I love that he can roll his eyes while doing what I want. No matter how ridiculous he always humors me.

That was a little less than 3 years ago. Every new mother has a thing. For me her thing was her temperature. I can feel the judgment from here, yes I’m sure I had more than one thing but at this point the fever was my biggest obsession.

I took her temp constantly and was always worried about her having a fever. She ran super hot all the time. Mainly at night and that hasn’t gone away. I’ve just learned that if I have to question if there’s a fever or not… there’s not.

Which brings me to this past 2 weeks ago. She woke up crying and when I picked her up there was no doubt she had a fever. We snuggled on the couch and she was so warm I considered turning on the AC.

I took her temp and as expected it was 102. It ranged from 100 to 104 for the next two days. I know I should have taken her to the ER right away but I work in a medical office I know how this goes. It’s a virus and there’s nothing they can do but alternate Tylenol and Motrin and keep her cool and do baths…yadda yadda yadda. So that’s what we did.

Come Thursday morning her temp had started to go down on its own but we made an apt for her anyway. Turns out it was a double ear infection! One of which had possibly ruptured! Awesome job mom.

Nothing makes you feel like a worse mother than NOT taking her to the doctor, only to find out she has a ruptured ear drum. I will no longer question whether or not to take her in. If I’m thinking about I’m doing it. Bring on the hypochondriac comments I’ll take the punch.

My 3 year old sassy pants did not even complain this whole time. The same kid who threw herself on the ground and screamed because I tried to put the wrong pants on her never once mentioned that her ears hurt. That’s the only thing saving me from really believing I’m a terrible mom.

Not even a week after this happened she’s feeling better and wanting to read stories before bed time again. We were reading the book “The Sleep Fairy”. To whoever bought that book for me I think you owe me money for it. Who busy a book as a present that makes the parents buy their children presents every night they sleep in their bed by themselves? We are on a budget! I’d rather her sleep in bed with me!

Luckily for me my kid is a little weird and after listening to the whole story cuddled in to me very concerned. She put the book down and said “mama, if the sleep fairy tries to come in my room and put something under my pillow while I’m sleeping….I’m going to scream.”

I’ve never been more proud! Glad she’s feeling better and back to being feisty. Next time we are going to the doctor. Then I’ll buy her a present!

You Have To Host

I’m a flake.

I don’t want to be. But its true.

I love making plans. The idea of doing all the things is very appealing to me and always sounds great. But when it comes to actually doing all the things I lose motivation, and to be honest I get a little anxiety.

My friend once told me she makes back up plans when she makes plans with me. I’m not even mad! I actually thought “well that’s smart!” followed by “I wonder what the back up plans are and if I want to do that”.

So I complain that we all don’t get together enough and then I don’t show up. Yes I suck so hard!

That’s my new years resolution this year. Get ready cause its a long important one. Spend more time with my friends!! What a crazy concept!  Seriously though I want to spend more time with the friends that make me happy. The ones that make me laugh, that I can cry with, that my kid can be a brat in front of and they wont judge me when I flick her in the arm. Not hard, just enough so she knocks it off.

This started with my sister-in-law around Thanksgiving. I was complaining about all my groups of friends never doing anything and never getting together. So she asked a ground breaking, life changing question of “do you ever host”?

No. Point blank. No. I live in a bird house with hardly any room to live let alone entertain.

She hosts all the time and has once a month things like book club, dinner club, moms night, family night, movie night, and I’m sure I’m missing quite a few more clubs/nights. I’m not even sure there’s enough nights in a month to fit all her “once a months”. But she does it and makes it look effortless. She always has something going on and has been part of my motivation to make things happen. In the friends department… career is still a hot mess.

Okay I’ll start reaching out. Hosting. But not at my house. I have to get creative about this.

I talked to one of my best friends about this. She agreed. She is always the hostess too and does an amazing job of it. Maybe I’ll “host” at her house next time! Any way she brought up another thing to think about in my new master plan at becoming a better friend. She said “if you want people to come to things you host you have to show up to things too”. Well said bff…… well said.

So I’m going to be a better friend and show up to things. No more flaking on people. I promise to come if I say I’m going to. Or at the very least be honest if I have no intention of coming.

I’ve already started this new me thing. I went to the casino last night (yup on a Thursday) to support a fellow instructor and watch her band play. It was great. I had a drink, I danced my bum off, and was home before 10. Brilliant.

Bonus: I shocked a few people in showing up! Reputations can’t be changed in a day so I don’t blame people for doubting me. Also I know there was no better back up plan since they were still going there no matter what.

The next thing I am trying to put together is a Paint & Sip party with a big group. Whoever wants to come can if not, next time.

Fun things to come for the new me. I’m open to creative suggestions!

Photo of some friends celebrating Jeanette’s birthday!