Pluviophile Mama

a lover of rain;someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

A Year In The Trenches — December 30, 2021

A Year In The Trenches

As the 1 year anniversary of Nana passing approaches I have a ton of feelings. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that my child is “emotional” when she comes from me. But as we get closer to 1 year I can feel things shift. I stand by my post that things don’t get easier but I will concede that it does change. Some feelings still sucker punch me and knock the wind out of me, but that sharp jagged edge is slowly starting to feel like a deep ache.

There are so many quotes and sayings about living with grief and they are all true. My friend as work brought me flowers and a card for this 1 year anniversary and the front of the card says “Grief, like a wave has a rhythm of its own”. I knew this was from Hallmark before I even turned over the card! Well said Hallmark, well said. And thank you Jess! It really does have a rhythm of its own and every person marches to a different beat. Yup I just hit you with some old time sayings right there.

We made it through the year of firsts. This year was brutal however, I can’t brag about my family and my husband enough. I thank God every night for having such an amazing family surrounding me. Ask Rylan, she’ll tell you we pray every night. We ask God to say hi to Nana, and other family members who have passed and all our animals. Seriously Rylan doesn’t even let me miss one animal.

Its because of this family that I’ve been able to make it through okay. We made sure we stuck with the important traditions and were all present with each other. We made sure to bring joy to the events even when it would have been easy to give up and hide under a the covers. I truly feel like the way we came together this year is going to make the future easier to get through. If nothing else it will be easier because we know we can do it. Not only can we get through it, we can do it in style (thank you Aunt Patty!).

This aching inside will never go away. I know that there will always be a simmer of grief that will crank up and send that fire through me when I least expect it. But I’m confident in the tools that Nana gave us to get through it. I doubt she planned to raise us all this good just so we could get through life without her but then again I wouldn’t have expected anything less. She did after all have her plot and headstone in place long before anyone was even a little sick. The woman was full of surprises.

Some things I’ve learned this past year in my grief. I couldn’t quite put this into words but James Clear could! He said “you have no responsibility to live up to someone else’s expectation of you. Spend as little time as possible chasing other people’s preferences instead of your own”. Not everyone understands grief. I used to be that person and let me tell you, until you go through it you have no clue. Grief is not a one size fits all and sometimes it was hard for me to express what I was feeling and “grief” didn’t seem to cut it. It wasn’t a good enough reason to not hang out in a group, not workout, or not do things I once enjoyed. But to me it was.

I’ve learned to send the text, make the call, do the things. If you feel an urge to reach out to someone… do it. I believe God communicates with us if we listen and talk to him enough. So when someone pops in my head for what seems like no reason I try and reach out. There could be a reason that has nothing to do with me so but I put that faith in him.

I learned that while you have to work hard you have to play too. Nana always lead by example in that regard and she always was going on trips with us or her friends. She had a great and super fun group of friends. But she didn’t get to enjoy her retirement the way I wish she would have. I know there’s no point in the “I wish” game but I wish her and Papa got to spend some time just living. Basically I wish we had more time with her.

I was surprised to see I was never angry. Not in the way I feel like a lot of people get angry. I was irritable in general and snappy but it wasn’t like I was angry at God. Do I feel like its not fair that she’s gone? Absolutely! But I believe our God is good and I don’t think he took her on purpose to hurt us. So why be angry about it.

I don’t make new years resolutions. In the past I’ve made statements like “I want to say yes more” or “I don’t want to be a flake anymore”. I did good when I had something to focus on for the year. This year I’m going to make better choices. With everything from friendship to eating and working out. NO not like an “I’m going to lose weight” resolution. I think where we are at in life is the result of a million little choices we’ve made that lead us to where we are. Its up to us to make choices to get where we want to be. This year I want to make better choices. All around I want every choice I make to be because its truly 100% what I want. Or what I want to get me to where I want to be. So my “resolution” this year is to be unapologetically selfish. While still being kind of course.

I write a lot about grief but if you’re wanting more or needing more please check out this website https://www.normalizegrief.com/home really great information and I can’t get enough of this page.

Mom Of The Year — December 10, 2021

Mom Of The Year

When I was pregnant I read all the parenting books. Okay, most of the parenting books. Okay two. I read two parenting books. But one I hated and couldn’t finish and the other I became obsessed with. French parenting. Yup I posted about it on here a million years ago. I was in love with it and even my dahling husband thought it was great. Even though he said it all seemed like common sense and kept insisting we weren’t French. We are absolutely French.

Rylan is 7 now. Can I just say that no book can help me now? No book could have prepared me for the chaotic morning of getting homework done, breakfast ready, the “comfort cat” she needs to always have with her, the candy gram fundraiser (side note to whoever planned that shit…you’re a dick), the look of betrayal on my kids face when she realizes we’re going to be late to school or the tears at drop off.

I’ve made huge efforts this year to prep the night before. The book Atomic Habits has been atomically life changing. This week I forgot to prep. Okay I didn’t “forget” but I was exhausted the night before and we went to sleep. This just ruined our morning and left me dropping off my daughter with her in tears, and me driving away also in tears. She’s alway liked things a certain way. Her teacher described her as a “perfectionist who likes everything done her way. But don’t worry she’s shocking still making friends”. So when she realized how scattered we were and that she was going to ruin her perfect attendance record by being late the tears came quick.

Add to this shit storm the fact that there’s a fundraiser for some camp or other where they sent home “candy grams” for $1 you could send a candy gram to your friends. So naturally my perfectionist wants to know what happens if she doesn’t get one. We don’t believe in participation trophies in this house so I was trying to teach a life lesson. “We’ll little duck you might not” to which she responded in sobbing tears. Great one mom. I’ll be accepting my mom of the year award any time. There better be a sash and tiara.

But honestly she might not!! You know there’s going to be some kid who doesn’t get one. But instead of comforting my kid I said the truth and then when she was upset I dug in harder with the excellent life lessons. “It’s going to be okay. If you don’t get one, who cares! The next day it’s your birthday and you’ll bring cupcakes and no one will even remember the candy gram”. I may have slipped in an “everyone can suck it” type of phrase, I’m not sure. I’m on fire this week guys.

The comfort cat. Oh that furry little bastard. Her friends all still bring little toys and animals and stuff so it’s not weird (yet) that she brings her stuffed animal cat to school. But when we forget it it’s the end of the world.

Let me just say that I love my kid more than anything. Nothing is more heart breaking than sending your kid to school sobbing and having to pull her little arms off you and give her a push to go to class. All while trying not to break down in tears myself.

To answer the same question my mom asked. No, I didn’t go get the comfort cat and bring it to school. I had to get to work and as we’ve already established I’m not a good mom. Although I do think I was being a better mom by but not getting. She came home and said she had a great day at school and was totally fine. No permanent harm done. To her. I on the other hand am traumatized and talking to my therapist about mommy issues. Only the mom in my issues….. is me.

Tired Tired or Grief Tired — December 4, 2021

Tired Tired or Grief Tired

Oh the holidays! The joy, lights, music, scents (best smells ever come from holiday scents!!!), people, celebrations, and traditions. Ah traditions. They are the biggest comfort with the sharpest edge to people who are grieving.

The year of “firsts without Nana” is coming to and end and as she passed on the first of January it leaves us with celebrating the holidays right before that one year anniversary. Our family is really close. I know I’ve mentioned this because there’s no way I haven’t.

Its been the most comforting thing in the world to have them to lean on through this. But as December hits and the Christmas vibes really kick up and shove the joy down your throat I find I’m so tired. I’ve been paying attention to my fatigue levels after having Covid but even before that I notice there’s a difference in my tired days. There’s the normal “its been a hard week and I just don’t want to adult after work” tired, the “wow everyone is really on my nerves please leave me alone with my books” tired, and then there’s “I don’t know how life goes on brain fog full body exhaustion” tired. That last one I can now identify as grief tired. If this is a real term let me know because as of right now I think I made it up.

Its not all consuming and please don’t recommend a therapist (I’ve got one don’t worry). Its just that sometimes the grief comes in waves and feel physically heavy. Sometimes it knocks the wind out of me and sometimes its more subtle. It just blankets over me and feels like I’m exhausted and my brain is foggy but looking at pictures or remembering stories about Nana helps. Generally it lasts a few days and I rally and get my crap together. Except that lately I haven’t got my crap together. My house is suffering for it and the time has come for me to be an adult. I hate it.

Even when it comes to running the business I can feel it. The reminder that I didn’t pay close enough attention to what she was teaching me when we were working together. The fact that I took for granted that she would always be there weighs on me and flares up for days at a time. I wish I had clung to every word and had a memory like Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory so I could recall every second of our lives together. I’ll take the good and the bad!

So I’m venting to hold myself accountable. To put it out in the universe that I wont be held down by the grief anymore. I will put on my big girl pants and clean my house. My mom always says “messy bed, messy head” and it always drives me insane. Even more so when I realize she’s right. I don’t want to hand this lifestyle down to my child. I really don’t want my reality TV debut to be on the show Hoarders so this weekend we make changes! May even ask for help.

You’ve Changed — March 19, 2021

You’ve Changed

I’ve read a lot of self help books, listened to the audio books, gone to the conventions, done the meditation, I get it. We need to find and love ourselves and yadda yadda and so on.

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself. There are more than one side to me. I have emotions and different moods and different interest that make it impossible to put me into one category or one box. Even a big one (which it would have to be)! Ha see I can make fun of myself while also loving who I am and the many different versions.

There’s a lot of things not many people know. Like if I could go back and do anything over again… I’d join the military. It wasn’t an option that was presented to me in high school. No not because I’m a woman either. I’m not really sure why other than I was in high school during 9/11 and not many of the girls were jumping to head to Iraq. The point is, that side of me that would want to join, train, push myself, learn a ton, and ride or die serve my country is very appealing to me. It also would have been good for me. Helped the messy, lazier side of me.

The opposite side of me has the desire to be a debutante with fancy dresses, always put together, the vision of class and sophistication. I think overall military training would have helped that side of me. Instead I make due with what I have and try not to drop my kid off at school in my sweats. Try. I can proudly say that in almost a year that’s only happened once. Workout clothes don’t count yet. Baby steps. My friend and I have started a thing… we try to dress every day like we’re meeting and enemy. Which neither of us have but it sets the tone.

Then there’s gangsta Britt. She doesn’t come out often. Mostly cause my mom was not a huge fan and I grew up in the mountains surrounded by cowboys and jocks. Which was delightful overall. But I have that G side that wants to wear giant hoops and red lips while rocking an ‘I don’t care’ attitude and giant sunglasses. It’s really a Khloe Kardashian vibe. I have the sunglasses already.

I’m out going and shy. Introverted but also social. I like adventure and love staying home. I feel very strongly I don’t HAVE to be one thing or the other and my mood changes constantly. I make plans then decide I don’t want to go. That last one is mostly anxiety. Things always sound good then it comes to going and being around people I get uncomfortable. I do better in smaller groups.

I’m learning a lot about myself in my mid-thirties and going through this huge loss has rocked every side of me. It’s more of a struggle every day to put my self together and identify how I feel that day. The urge to stay in sweats is a strong one. Which is stupid because getting up, dressed, and ready to see an enemy actually feels great. It feels more normal and attempts to pull me back to myself. Whichever version that might be.

I read an article about how sometimes we are more comfortable around strangers than we are our own friends. The theory is that when we are around strangers we can try on new versions ourselves that we want to be without our friends calling us out with an “oh my gosh that’s so not you!” With strangers it can be us and they don’t know because they haven’t been around you for ages.

I agree with this. However I also think it depends on your friend group. I have very close friends who know all these sides of me and not one thinks “that’s not Brittany”. Because the closest ones to me know that I’m ever evolving. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do.

I hope no one judges me based on the person I was 15 years ago. Ugh!! Thank goodness I’ve changed and grown. I pray that I’ve matured. Grown more compassionate and understanding. I hope I’ve become less self centered. I know I’ve grown more sure of myself and am less insecure. I may have more anxiety but I have better tools and people to help me with that. I have a better relationship with God.

I like who I’m becoming. Yes I’m still becoming myself at 35. I’m a wife, a mom, a dog mom, a friend, a boss (yup the thought scares me too don’t worry), an employee, and most important I’m me. With all the sides and all the continuing changes. I’m grateful.

It Feels Like Goodbye — April 25, 2019

It Feels Like Goodbye

I deleted my Instagram. Well lets not get carried away. I deleted my Instagram App on my phone.

Have you ever seen a post and had strong feelings about it? Then continued to read other peoples comments on it and get even more heated? I’ve read both posts and responses and felt myself getting angry and wanting to reply with my own thoughts and opinions. Then before I hit send I got slapped with a reality check. These people are nobody’s.

I’m sure they are someone special to the people in their lives but they have no significance in my life what so ever. Want proof? I deleted the app and now they no longer exist to me at all. In a few selections on my phone I made them vanish from my life and you know what? It felt good.

There was a post the other day on Instagram from the Food Network where a mom made homemade pasta with her kids. It was adorable. I read the comments and people were BASHING her for the way she did it. Using a certain kind of flour and that she used eggs when she shouldn’t. Are you kidding me people? What is wrong with us that we feel we need to leave mean comments everywhere? You don’t like the way she did it? DON’T DO IT THAT WAY. But guess what? No one else cares!

I understand commenting on some stuff but can’t we just keep it positive? so you don’t like the way a mom does something, it is possible to think your thought and move on with your day. You don’t have to post it. Shocking I know.

Why are we so worried about what every one else is doing? Isn’t it exhausting? Isn’t being a woman, mom, friend, wife, even just being a human enough? Why are we making it more difficult?

Why are we trying to one up each other? Why are we trying to prove we are the best mom? Or cook? Or athlete?

We should be trying to prove that we are kind. That we care about people as humans. I want to raise Rylan to love everyone. I want her to be kind to everyone. Even those that aren’t kind to her. Chances are those are the ones who need a hug the most. She doesn’t have to hug everyone because lets be real… day care germs. But I’d like the sentiment to be there.

So yes I deleted Instagram. I want to live this summer like a kid from the 80’s. I want to spend my time at the lake and the pool and hiking around the most beautiful places in California (I say California cause I live there and while I want to travel, I’m realistic about hiking and traveling with at 4 year old. I’m not crazy). We live an hour from Yosemite. I should be there every day off. I want to do all these things with out worrying about an Instagram photo or stopping to see who liked it.

Rylan and I are doing things this summer that we want to do.  Things that make us happy not add more stress to our lives. I’m not going to put us in situations that cause us stress anymore.

This also means I’m deleting this website. Its a great outlet for me and I’ve enjoyed putting my thoughts online but I have a journal at home that basically gets the same number of views. *laughing out loud!* not a pity party at all! I have not invested a ton of time or energy into this so I haven’t expected to be making money from it. It started out as fun and its ending on a good note.

Best wishes to everyone! I hope you enjoy your summer as much as we plan to!

Oh and remember if you can’t say anything nice, take a look in the mirror and figure out why you’re being negative. The only thing you can change is your attitude not someone else’s opinion.

 

 

Good Golly Miss Molly! — March 28, 2019

Good Golly Miss Molly!

I like to joke that I chased my husband for 15 years before I caught him. That’s not 100% accurate but it’s not totally wrong either!

We met freshmen year and I was fascinated by him. He was a basketball and football player and he hung out with the cool kids. He was also painfully shy (he would argue now but it was true then). But that’s shyness made him mysterious and sexy. I hope he doesn’t read this cause it will go straight to his head.

Anyway we dated off and on, and while I always wanted him I’m glad he was a pain in my butt for a while. He says he broke up with me because he knew I was the one and if we stayed together in high school we wouldn’t have ended up together. Ummm nice try. Wasn’t born yesterday.

However he’s right. Please don’t tell him!!! Not only is he right I’m thankful he “choose” to wait until later for us to make it work. It gave me a chance to live my life and be wild and fun before we got married.

During my wild fun days my friend Jeanette and I would go up to the casino and play in poker games. We were two young girls who where seriously underestimated and often would win tournaments. We had a blast. We won money.

On top of being poker players we are both pretty avid readers (yes our husbands scored big time! Did I mean ruin we are also fantasy football enthusiasts?). She gave me the book Molly’s Game to read. True story about the 26 year old poker princess who was busted running high stakes poker games.

Great book! I loved her point of view and that it read like a novel so it kept me wondering what was going to happen. Overall the story shows that money doesn’t buy happiness and you develop a soft spot for the poker princess.

It also made me wanna play again. Yes I know the moral of the story was gambling is bad and doesn’t lead to good things and it can take you into super dark places. I get it. I also am trying to put together a group of girls to play!

For the record I’m talking $50-$100 buy in. Not $500,000 like she was dealing with. So no one here is going broke or ruining our lives.

Really I’m just excited to have another reason to get the girls together.

Wish me luck!

Everything Is Horrible And Wonderful — March 15, 2019

Everything Is Horrible And Wonderful

I read this memoir because I listened to the author on a podcast. At this point I can’t even remember which podcast but I loved the author and immediately put it on hold at the library.

The book is the story of her brothers struggle with heroin and the year following his death. She finds out about the addiction 3 days before her wedding! Its tragic, heartbreaking, funny, light, and covers all human emotion in one story.

She takes you on a journey through being there for her brother and what his addiction looked like to her and her family while she’s dealing with things of her own. It also follows the year after his death. She elegantly takes you through the stages of grief without actually calling them out and you feel the weight of her grief all the way to the end.

We recently had a loss in our family and I was instantly drawn to the say she describes the final stage of acceptance. It’s not accepting that the person has passed or that they are gone forever. Its accepting that the grief you are carrying is the new normal. You learn to want to live again and to not let it drown you but essentially its accepting your new normal in this world without them. You learn that when something happens that you want to tell them about, to smile at their memory and the fact that they would have enjoyed it.

She made you laugh through the book and made you feel like you knew him. I think he was amazing and I never even watched his shows. He said something that she loved and I am equally drawn to it. He said “we are all horrible and wonderful and figuring it out”. I think that’s the exact quote but I’m sorry if I got it a bit wrong.

But isn’t that the best quote ever? Doesn’t it describe everything in life? We are all horrible and wonderful. Life is horrible and wonderful and we’re all just trying to figure it out as we go.

We go through season and in every season things are horrible and wonderful. Even when things seem absolutely horrible (let’s be honest they do sometimes) there is something wonderful in that. Either in knowing that it can only get better from there or crying your eyes out only to have your 4-year-old ask you if you think she can fly if she jumped off the tall side of the couch. “No sweetie save the stunts for gymnastics please”.

Life is full of moments like that. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who know how to make me laugh when I’m crying. Whether its bringing up blasts from the pasts or jumping in with stories of their misery that are comical when it’s not happening to you. Thanks guys! I’d say misery loves company but I know you’re doing it to make me smile. Mostly to stop the ugly face crying I’m sure.

Ending on a happy note Rylan tried on flower girl dresses for us and holy moly! I wasn’t sure how she was going to be (let’s be honest she has a stubborn mind of her own). But she was brilliant! I brought in 3 dresses and the first one she came out like Cinderella and was turning and spinning and LOVING the attention! So much so that now whenever she puts on anything she likes me to go into another room so she can make an entrance and I can cheer. This happened last night when she put on PJ’s. She walked into the living room and did turns while we cheered and clapped. As I write this I’m a bit concerned we are raising a narcissist.

Eh screw it. One day people won’t do that. The time is now!

Bookish Community — March 1, 2019

Bookish Community

It’s no secret that I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of the book club community. I’ve jumped in head first and drank the Kool-Aid. How ever  you want to say it, I’m obsessed.

It never occurred to me before to keep track of the books I’ve read or even count the number of books I’ve read in a month or year. I’m on book number 11 of this year which shocks me. I’ve kept track of the ones I’ve read along with a short review which is going to be so helpful because I often forget which ones I’ve read until I’m a few chapters in and have wasted my time.

So not only am I the person who journals, I’m now the person who book journals! Yup I can feel my husbands eyes rolling from across town right now. He’s doesn’t care. I do it in the morning when he’s at work. He can complain when I start putting on audio books for him to hear. Which is coming soon I’m going to find a good sports one and he’ll be sucked in and love audio books. Even I don’t believe that but its good to put good energy like that out in the world!

I’ve always loved the idea of Jane Austen. I want to have read her everything she’s written. Turns out I can’t. I tried reading Emma and it’s just so hard! I feel stupid. I wouldn’t even be admitting this if I hadn’t found a way around it! Jane Austen on Audio book!!! Someone on the Modern Mrs Darcy Book Club suggested that I listen to it if I was having a hard time reading it. I wish I could find the thread so I could thank her! Maybe even buy her a thank you audio book. That’s how much it changed the book for me.

I finished The Last Anniversary by Liane Moriarty on audio book and loved it. I have a big crazy family and yet still love reading about other big crazy families. The family story mixed with a murder mystery was so enjoyable. I appreciated the message that all families have secrets and not everything is as it seems. The postpartum story in there threw me for a bit of a loop and I empathized with her much more than I would have thought. I give it 4 stars and highly recommend it.

Also still working on The Enchanted April by Elizabeth Von Arnim. Really enjoying it but the book is from the library and is shaped weird. So I’m having a hard time reading at night and its uncomfortable to carry around. I’m blaming my slow reading of it on all of that. I am enjoying it. The story of 4 women who escape to a Villa in Italy is right up my alley and only fueling my wonderlust. Time to book a trip.

Because I can’t be anywhere without a book and the other one is weird shaped I am also reading Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs. The story of her brother’s death and heroin addiction. Not something I would normally read but I’m branching out. Thanks to this new bookish community. (I’m not even sure I’m using the term “bookish” correctly. Someone help if you know!) It’s encouraging me to expand my reading material and I happened to have listened to the author on a podcast and it sounded like something I could get into. I’m flying through it. Never thought I’d be so caught up in someone elses grief. I can’t put it down. I read this one till midnight last night.

So that’s my week of reading so far. Oh I bought stationary so if anyone is looking for a kinda crazy pen pal let me know! I’m ready!

Control Freak — December 27, 2018

Control Freak

I’ve recently discovered the library! I know I’m way behind the times but I started taking Rylan a few months ago and we fell in love. I came home with two books for me and two for Rylan and told Pat “guess what babe? I can read for FREE!!! Do you know how much money I’m saving on books?!” Which was stupid of me because his next question was “how much were you spending on books?”  Answer: trust me dahling you don’t want to know!

Anyway both Rylan and I love going on Tuesdays. Not during the kid play time though cause we aren’t ready to be that social. Although I’m going to start making her go. That lady tells stories way better than I do.

We go and she finds book and toys and I start a new book. I thought I was a slow reader, and I kind of am. But having a deadline to get the book back has made me realize I average a book every week, week and a half.

I’m currently reading a book and it mentioned that we are not actually scared of heights. We are scared that we will willingly jump.

Well that made me think… is that really true? I want to know more about this. Since I read that we’ve driven over Sonora Pass and as I looked over some of the cliffs I thought of that statement. Being scared of losing control and just willingly jump. To be clear I was thinking about the statement… I do not want to jump.

I’d bungee jump… maybe even sky dive. Its not the jumping that would scare me its the hitting the ground and dying that’s scary. But I guess I understand the statement. Its that fear of loss of control. That fear that you could lose it and just jump.

I think a lot of our fear and actions come from fear of not being in control. I like order. I like to know what’s coming and what to expect. I like to know that if I plan ahead I know how things will go. But you can’t control everything.

I can’t control my toddler. That’s been made clear every day of the last 4 years. I can control certain things but overall she’s her own person with her own attitude and thoughts and ideas about how she does things. “I can do it mama” is said more than 10 times daily in my house. Yes baby I know you can, but we need it done before tomorrow.

I think New Years resolutions are stupid. Why do you have to wait for a certain date to make a change? Listen to Tony Robbins and make the change right when you decide to! In the middle of the day, or week, or year. Just do it!

So while I hate resolutions I do want to focus this year on not being in control. Just letting go and let whatever happens happen. What’s coming will come and we’ll meet it when it does.

I’ve already started this considering in the last 4 months we’ve been changing careers like 5 times! In one month we went from putting in applications to houses in San Jose to Pleasanton to buying a gas station and staying in Sonora.

Final decision by the way is staying in town and taking over the Chevron. Joining the family business and welcoming my husband to the life I’ve had all growing up in the gas station world. Welcome honey I hope you like it!

I wont lie taking over the gas station and joining the family business feels a little like looking over the edge and jumping. In a wonderful way. That fear mixed with excitement and the unknown. The best part is we have this amazing support system of family and friends that feels like a giant net to catch us. Tony Robbins says to learn from the best if you want to be the best and that’s exactly what we are doing. Learning from my grandparents, parents, and Aunt/Uncle. They are the best in the business and we are so fortunate to learn from them and have their support.

So CHEERS to jumping into 2019. wow that was too cheesy even for me! Sorry guys.

 

 

Happiness Is Relative — August 30, 2018

Happiness Is Relative

I read a post on Instagram a day or two ago and its stayed with me. Have you ever had that happen? Where you read something and like two or three days later you’re still annoyed by it?

I’m not the kind of person to comment on it and leave my opinion. Mostly because I don’t know this person so I’m sure they don’t care what I have to say, but also because I don’t want to be “troll”. Is that even the right word? I didn’t want to start a stupid argument over something that’s really just a difference of opinion.

Anyway back to the point. I follow the hash tag debtfreecommunity. I’m working on becoming debt free and want a better financial future that want is considered normal these days. This post said that they paid off all their debt and they weren’t happy. It was encouraging people to continue to live their lives and not to worry about paying off debt because it wont make you happy to be debt free.

Well no shit Sherlock!

Reason #3 I didn’t comment on the page…I have a lot to say about this!

Of course if you are a super unhappy person and depend on ANYTHING to make you happy, you wont be. Happiness is about perspective and gratitude and is something that you have to work at everyday. To expect that once you get all your debt paid off that angels are going to come sing for you and lift you up on a happiness cloud is ridiculous. YOU have to make yourself happy.

We are working our bums off to get out of debt and we really aren’t even in that bad! I can tell you when my car is paid off I will be the one singing and dancing and celebrating because I really will be so happy! Am I relying on it for my total happiness? Absolutely not! But its going to be a major bonus!

I’m also pretty dang happy with where we are now. We both make decent money and I was fortunate enough to have a job that let me come back an extra day occasionally. I am blessed to be able to teach Les Mills classes and get paid to work out. I’m happy that I get to spend time with my family and have great friends who understand when I say “No I can’t come out tonight I didn’t budget for it”.

That’s the magic word and I think that’s what this Instagram user had a problem with. If I had to guess anyway. I don’t know this person.

Getting out of debt is hard. You have to say no to things you want to do and things you really could afford. Depending on how you look at being able to afford things.

If you are using a credit card in the process we are in now you can’t afford it. For some people that doesn’t matter and good for you. I don’t have a problem with that cause its not my business. People use them then pay off the balance each month. I’d want to be able to pay cash for everything.

I can tell you that as of now I’m enjoying budgeting every paycheck down to the dollar and knowing what we can and can’t do. I get super excited when I budget and put money in savings or get to throw an extra $100 at the credit card or soon to be just my car payment. I love watching those balances drop!

Everyone is different just like every budget and financial goal is different. I just didn’t appreciate this person posting and discouraging people to become debt free. Its hard enough when we are all trying to stay positive and encourage each other. I don’t need the negative Nancy out there making things harder.

So to everyone on a budget with a goal just know you can do this! It will be worth it because you are worth it. You deserve the money you work for and shouldn’t have to give it away!

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